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The 25 Most Awful Places According to Hollywood (Part 2)

Thursday, January 17, 2008 by Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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See: Taxi Driver, Cloverfield, I Am Legend, King Kong


Hollywood teaches: Hookers, pimps, grimy streets, rampant crime, and giant monsters, welcome to America's city! New York is the last earthly stop before hell, a favorite of every noxious human being imaginable and the frequent host to unstoppable killing machines. Since 9/11, Hollywood also really loves to use New York as a backdrop for Big Destruction(TM). Hollywood has always had a fondness for using New York City as a cardboard skyline to tear down, but now it gets to do it and then the producers of the movie can congratulate each other about how a big green CGI turd smashing buildings has a deep contextual meaning.

The reality: Rudy Giuliani rounded the homless people and hookers up, floated them out into Hudson Bay on barges, and then sunk them. Huge swaths of the city have been turned into America's fatass version of Tokyo. Giant HDTV screens blast ads 24/7, corporate outlets have nestled in to real estate formerly leased by pawn shops and XXX theaters, and the sidewalks are awash in glandular cases from Wisconsin wearing khaki shorts. The gangs and giant monsters might have been a more noble end.



See: Batman, Kill Bill, Star Wars Series, James Bond Series


Hollywood teaches: When it comes to the Sinister Boardroom the only rule is survival of the fittest. In the deadly world of sinister boardrooms it can be the Joker electrocuting a sass-mouthed kingpin or it can be Lucy Liu lopping off the heads of Yakuza bosses. Hollywood believes that criminal organizations and evil meetings of any kind function pretty much exactly like Warhammer Orks, where the biggest and toughest IZ DA BOSS. This boss then asserts his authority by immediately killing any naysayers.

The reality: Having not been exposed to many evil board meetings I don't have a lot to go on. That said, Karl Rove doesn't really look all that tough, I've never read about an OPEC summit ending with decapitated bodies on the floor, and I am pretty sure I could kick George Tenet's ass. And what about the Nazis? Those guys looked like the kids from the computer club dressed up in the uniforms their moms made for their YouTube science fiction movie.

I have a feeling evil boardrooms are just like regular boardrooms: ruled by an alpha male and an assortment of middle managers that failed upwards. Come to think of it, that's even more sinister.

- Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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