What they say: "Fit for your mobile,Our products are best for trade show giveaways, event productions/funds raisers, New production introduction, sales in supermarket and shop, Special Occasions and holiday."
Once every few years a truly innovative product comes along to perfectly fill a role that absolutely nobody wanted filled. The Inflatable Mobile Holder is one such product, appealing to all people clamoring for a solution to their failed attempts at balancing their mobile phone upright on their desk.
Why not just set the phone down on its front or back? Why bother doing that when you can inflate a little bright-orange chair for your phone to relax!
I wish the manufacturer had included an image of the deflated product. I have a suspicion that at best it looks like a dried apricot and at worst it resembles a flattened vacuum-packed condom.
What they say: "Shanking pochy with lovely outlook, it would shake whenever its body is pulled."
This "shanking pochy" doesn't seem so much carefree as "looking up in horror at the falling object about to crush his dumb face."
China is the world's number one exporter of dumb stuffed animals that are bound to end up in a Big Lots somewhere in Missouri. Carefree Dog is not even bound for a display at Big Lots. He will wind up in that creepy aisle where the overhead lights are out and no one has cared enough to change them. All of the items on the shelves in that aisle have been so picked over by elderly women that you'll just see Carefree Dog's concerned eyes peeking out from behind a plastic jug of "El Pasco" brand salsa and loose circus peanuts.
That is how the world ends for you, Carefree Dog. Not with a meteorite, but with a slow decay entombed beneath expired Wittman's Samplers and plastic beach sandals.
After years of being misunderstood, I had hoped we finally had "our" story. I was wrong.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
It is said the Lord did write upon the sky, "Only the Most Awful shall be cataloged herein." And a wind did come and blow away the words and turn them into a skull. And the writers did fall upon their knees and give thanks, for yea, the Most Awful was good. Thus the lists were born. Read them, sons and daughters, and be strong.