Basic sucks and then you die.
The reality: Basic training is less about screaming pointlessly and kicking people and more about teaching recruits how to shoot bad guys without shooting each other as quickly as possible. US troops are evil, of course, but it's the kind of low grade evil of boredom where troops get Iraqi kids to say things like "please bomb my house" or throw water bottles at their heads.
Who will kill you? The CIA? Terrorists? Oil companies? Welcome to the Middle East!
The reality: Hollywood is pretty much right, the only omission is that they don't ever show Middle Eastern people in the Middle East making shaky videos of themselves yelling "Allahu Ackbar!" to post on the Internet. When they are not busy being oppressed by America that seems to account for about 90% of their free time.
NFL teams may soon be lining up to bid on a man who can destroy defensive lines as thoroughly as he destroyed his own child's balls.
One roommate's art-fueled movement goes terribly wrong.
It is said the Lord did write upon the sky, "Only the Most Awful shall be cataloged herein." And a wind did come and blow away the words and turn them into a skull. And the writers did fall upon their knees and give thanks, for yea, the Most Awful was good. Thus the lists were born. Read them, sons and daughters, and be strong.