"Deadly Premonition" - 2010's Greatest Game to Ever Be Made in History of the World
Now surely the excitement must end there, right? WRONG AGAIN, FATSO! If nothing I mentioned appeals to you, the game presents the user with even more wonderful activities that somehow hold greater precedence over solving a murder:
- Fishing! Purchase a fishing rod, some bait, and postpone that whole silly homicide deal while you sit on a pier and sample some of the many wonderful things Greenvale's lakes have to offer, including bullets, pitchforks, and missing police documents. Oh yeah, I think there might be fish too.
- Clothes shopping! Change your outfit and amaze the locals who seem unable to do the same. If you forget to clean your suits, flies will begin swarming around you like orbiting moons. Then the FBI will dock your pay $60 for being "a stinky agent" (I'm seriously not making that up).
- Shaving! Failure to shave results in brownish, linear textures appearing on random sections of your face. This doesn't seem to affect gameplay, although it somehow manages to make the unsettling Agent York look even more creepy.
- Car racing! Greenvale offers arbitrary street racing locations, which challenge you to drive through a series of checkpoints within a set amount of time. While the course layouts themselves present minimal difficulty, nearly every vehicle in this possesses the raw speed and control of a dining room table covered in gravel.
- Running over criminal fence posts! The FBI rewards you with $5 each time you destroy a fence in Greenvale, so either you're dealing with America's Most Wanted Lumber, or the FBI really likes wasting taxpayer dollars. That's Obama's America for you!
During the murder investigation (and lack thereof), you'll find yourself in very odd situations punctuated by Agent York's equally odd demeanor. This is where the game absolutely shines; the surreal interaction between York and the townsfolk (as well as the interaction between York and himself) can only be described as a work of art. In a town where crimes can be solved by shooting bird nests with shotguns, trees drop severed hands that can be used as doorknobs, and countless giant dogs fall out of the sky at midnight, the choice to behave illogically is simply... logical.
Despite its laundry list of infuriating flaws and shortcomings, "Deadly Premonition" offers one of the most unique and memorable gaming experiences ever. To further entice you, the game is budget priced ($19.99), which means that even if you're a stupid jerk and you somehow hate it, at least you can hate it cheaply (although you'll still be a stupid jerk).
"Deadly Premonition" may lack the budget of "Modern Warfare 2," the action of "God of War 3," or the sound production quality of "Mr. Do's Wild Ride," but it does contain an intangible, eccentric atmosphere which easily overshadows its many shortcomings. This is a game simply overflowing with a vivid personality, and I hope my review can encourage more people to purchase this game and discover its bizarre charm. I will eagerly LEFT TRIGGER my breath waiting for SWERY's sequel.
REVIEW SCORE: 99 / 100
(one point was deducted to make it appear as if the score was determined by some scientific process)
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