The LiveJournal Fanfiction Battle of 2007

Journals being restored

As promised, LiveJournal will restore most of the accounts suspended since our last TOS update. We at LiveJournal wish to apologize to any users who have had their accounts unfairly banned, and also admit that we have much to learn about certain Internet subcultures and their place on the Internet.

The restored accounts will include:

1. All those who listed the following as their interests: rape, mega rape, ultra rape, hedgemaze rape, pedophilia, sex with children, coping with Internet rape enthusiasts, preschool baiting, forced fisting, surprise sex, zoophilia, fucking the shit out of animals, cameltry, giraffesturbating, and Ryan Reynolds.
2. All fanfic communities (judgement pending on SnapeRape community).
3. All fandom communities (judgement pending on HermionesHymen community).

All other journals which violate our terms of service will remain banned.

We are truly sorry for the mess, and hope that you continue to use LiveJournal to express your creativity in legal grey areas! More posts will follow as we establish our J.K. Rowling Anti-Litigation Fund.

"Sorry?" Is that all we get? "Sorry" is what my mom gives me when she "accidentally" knocks one of my HP wallscrolls off my wall when she's cleaning my room (Oh, and running the vacuum too loud while I'm playing Oblivion, but that's a different can of worms.). "Sorry" is what the guy at the mall told me when they were out of trenchcoats in my size, thus ruining my V for Vendetta Halloween costume. Oho, I don't think so, LiveJournal. You'll have to do a lot more than that to make it up to me.

Fuck you. You think you'll destroy fandom? Not in your wildest dreams.

Oh, sure, maybe my account wasn't banned. And maybe I don't even have a paid account. But you know what? Things like this make me don't even want to have a paid account. I'm sure MySpace or Blogger would be happy to host part three of my Hermione/Babs Bunny slashfic, because you know what? Your bandwidth isn't worth my time. "What's Babs going to do with that carrot?"

Oh, if you only knew, LiveJournal.

If you only knew.

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"I don't understand what you say, but I will fight for my life to defend it."

- John Voltaire

Ironic, isn't it? That LiveJournal would forget these very words that our printed in our constitution? I wish there was an "I told you so" emoticon, because I would post it loud and post it proud. Perhaps some of you remember a certain debacle last February wherein yours truly was forced to take down from LiveJournal some of his ART that might have offended plebes of the lower realms of taste? How puritanical has this country become when images of a nine-penised Minotaur having his way with a buxom lass trapped in his labyrinth (check your mythology books, kids) have become "offensive?" We're just lucky that sites like DeviantArt, who respect artists and the art that they create (!!!), allow such creations to be hosted. LiveJournal, I am a middle-aged man of Nordic decent. I know full well what is appropriate and what is inappropriate. I never thought that a site I respected would sound like the co-workers at my last job (for which I was fired for "personality conflicts," further cementing the fact that I am surrounded by idiots). I once believed the internet was the place to go for me to escape from this.

Mark my words, the next disability check I get from the government SURE AS HELL is not going towards a paid lifetime account, as I had previously planned. Hope you're happy.

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Unlike most of you, this has affected a friend of mine who just happens to be currently under house arrest for activities deemed "reprehensible" by our prudish American society. How, may I ask you, is this ex gym teacher supposed to work out his inner demons? Role-playing, discussion, and future strategies relating to his crimes have been more helpful than all of the "rehabilitation" he received in prison. And don't even get me started on the American justice system, which believes the age of consent is some magic number where a little boy magically becomes an adult. I'll tell you this much: as soon as I'm allowed to leave the country, I'm buying a one-way ticket right to Japan.

And just what was the so-called LiveJournal crime of my friend? He happened to write a fanfic where the boys from Malcolm in the Middle travel to our town, and then have sex with each other. If you think there's something wrong with that, then you have some serious issues. I happen to be a HUGE fan of that show, and speaking as a fan, that fanfic is not in the world of impossibilities. It clearly could have happened in the continuity of the Macolmverse, at least within the first two seasons.

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