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• Funny Item #23
• Those stubborn grass stains (There's got to be a better way!)
• Dropo, the Laziest Man on Mars
• J.D. Salinger, the Laziest Man on Earth
• Harper Lee, the Laziest Woman on Earth
• The 1995 Charlotte Hornets
• Just for Men beard and mustache dye (promotes younger and healthier-looking terror)
• The Trilogy of Terror
• The Twilight Zone's Tower of Terror
• The Markel Family of Tapdancing Expatriates
• Flag Away" Flag Repellant
• The following concepts (if you can find a way to give money to concepts, please do not): terror / small-scale, marginal terror (usu. bee-related) / "Thanksgiving-style" fullness / workplace Friday topical humor / confusion-based terror (ex. when you have to sneeze, but can't) / sexual confusion-based terror (ex. finding yourself very attracted to a character in a Squaresoft game, then discovering 20 hours later that this character is a man)
• Death to America brand pork chili
• Japanimations
• Afghanistanimations
• Iranimations
• Talibanimations
• The producers of Porky's III: Smash the State
• The "writers" of Star Ocean 3: Till the End of Time (alleged to be a feral pack of anti-American snow monkeys)
• Novelty bomb squads
• A "very special" Blossom
• DDR fans unaware that they peaked in the womb
  

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