As required by United States government protocol 43-X14-A (Operation: M.I.N.D.C.R.I.M.E.S.) it is now mandatory for all government employees to claim that all funds received from this job (avg. $5.15/hr) will not support terrorists or the infrastructure(s) of their various caves that dot the American Southwest (identified by Terrorist Satellite Imagery*).
Due to the accidental arrest and subsequent execution of the entire cast of Disneyland’s Aladdin’s Magic Carpet Adventure, we feel that it is important to clarify just which people, groups, coporations and products are recognized as threats to the American government. And in this climate of war and aging rockers protesting the land of the free,** the list of threats to citizens like you grows day by day. Please review the following additions to the Official Terror List, then report to your assigned “Danger Zone” for stage two of Operation: M.I.N.D.C.R.I.M.E.S.
* See attached Spelunker Battle Guide (SBG).
** Purchase necessary.
Good day. We are Hester and Karl, and we are something rare. We are a couple ... of Stock Photo Lifestylists! Lifestylers? We lead a Stock Photo Lifestyle.
I want my bed to look like the health department is checking for bedbugs. I want to feel like it’s on an episode of Maury getting scanned for semen.
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
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