Wrestlemania Rostermania
When Wrestlemania XXIV begins tomorrow night, it is estimated that the event will be broadcast via Pay Per View to more than one million households. That number is even more impressive when you consider that double-wide trailers aren't counted twice, as you'd think they would be. Since the spectacle draws a huge number of viewers who don't keep up with professional wrestling, the impact of some of the matches may be lost on people who aren't familiar with the wrestlers competing in each event. Brush up on your pro wrestling knowledge with this Wrestlemania roster, or risk complete embarrassment at your local MENSA chapter's Wrestlemania XXIV party.
Previous Characters:
Fit Finlay, Fighting Finlay, Ferocious Harold
Alignment:
Good Guys
Signature Move:
The Leprechaun's Lament - An inverted body slam in which Finlay lays face down on his opponent, then exerts a tremendous amount of force to launch himself up onto the top rope.
Previous Characters:
JBL, Cowboy Layfield, The Yargle Viper
Alignment:
Rich Bad Guys
Signature Move:
Stock Exchange - Bradshaw calls for a timeout, then produces a cell phone and calls his stockbroker. The stockbroker, in turn, buys Bradshaw's opponent then sells him at a profit.
Previous Characters:
The Nature Boy, Slick Ric, Hulk Hogan
Alignment:
AARP
Signature Move:
Napping Grandpa, Hidden Girdle - Flair twists his torso back and forth while shouting "Woo!" to the heavens, slapping his cornered opponent about the face with his sagging breasts.
Previous Characters:
The Heartbreak Kid, Sexy Humpback, Penis Have
Alignment:
Arrogant Good Guys
Signature Move:
The Atomic Elbow - Wonders aloud how many atoms there are in his elbow, then kicks his opponent in the stomach.
Previous Characters:
Zugama, Ouwanga, Harvey From Accounting
Alignment:
Walking Samoan Stereotypes
Signature Move:
Samoan Roar - Yells.
Previous Characters:
Big Dave, Large Dave, Large Big
Alignment:
Good Guys
Signature Move:
The Burninator - Batista climbs to the top rope, then uses a comically oversized magnifying glass to focus the stadium's harsh lights into a single beam of searing pain on the chest of his opponent.
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