On the chart of male relationships, nestled somewhere among dad, dad's friend, friend's dad, new dad, trucker, and old guy that is somehow your friend lies the human coach. A prestigious posting, shrouded in mystery yet revered by all mankind. That is, until today.
A bogus coach with equally fake checks who scammed three McDonalds restaurants last week is being sought by state police.
The scheme has been used at three McDonalds stores, in Grove City, Titusville and Warren, police said.
The man, driving a "school styled" bus on Friday entered the Warren restaurant claiming he was a basketball coach. He ordered $50 worth of food for his team, police said.
He paid for the order with a $150 check and got his change in cash.
The check had been provided by "the school district," police said. But the draft was, in fact, not valid.
Our collective trust has been again broken by a disingenuous scalawag who thinks coaching is a joke, a toy to be played with. It's time once more to go over the RealCoach list of coach basics.
If you encounter a fake coach, do NOT attempt to lull the fake coach into a false sense of security by hustling at whatever it is you are currently doing. This will only serve to enrage the coach. Find cover, but do not attempt to light signal fires. Wait patiently for assistance or for a bell to ring.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.