This will likely be the last Inactive Fiction update for a little while. I like writing these a lot and wanted to have some fun by plugging the concept into a few modern genres to parody them, but I don't want to stretch the idea too thin (if I haven't already). If the series pops up again it will be more like the original, an actual text adventure with its own bizarre setting and rules.
I want to nail my neighbor's 14 year old Cocker Spaniel. This isn't one of those passing thoughts we've all had, where we get out of our car and see the neighbor's dog sprawled out seductively on the sidewalk and think to ourselves "damn, I'd hit that".
I wish it was that innocent and simple, and that I could move on. But I can't. I REALLY want to nail this Cocker Spaniel. I have a stack of undelivered love poems in my closet and everything. I even started grinding up dog food into a fine dust and wiping it in my armpits like talcum powder but still no reaction. I'll keep you guys updated.
Perfect Eggs Every Time: Hold an egg in your cupped hands. Put your hands over a fire, squeezing them together gently to crack the egg open. Try not to let any egg liquid or egg shell fall out between your fingers.
Absolve me of my past fines, so that I may checkout again.
You cant go around life being smart in an unconventional way, it could change the world.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!