After watching highlights from various NASCAR vehicle collisions, I was able to come up the most ingenious idea since the electronic sombrero; I have figured out a way to get paid while sitting on my ass in Everquest.

Yes, Everquest, the game that has gotten people fired, ruined marriages, and ran up ISP phone bills for suckers across the globe can now be used to turn a sweet profit. All I need to do is get some corporate sponsorship and enlist the aid of one of Verant's skilled texture artists to get my Ranger all decked out in instant online money. Don't know what I'm talking about yet? Well here's my theory: if racecar drivers can get paid big cash for promoting mainstream products by simply wearing logos on their jumpsuits, why can't I? I'd like to provide a quick sketch of my concept art which will undoubtedly lead me to riches beyond my wildest, non-sexual dreams:

Before. Note the bland and boring green clothing that makes me look like some kind of gay Leprechaun car salesman.

After. A much improved, manly, money making son-of-a-bitch Half Elf.

For even more cash, I shall offer these major corporations the chance to buy "ad campaigns" throughout my adventure. I will bind their slogans and mottos to a quick key so my combat party, or anybody in the current zone, will be exposed to a predetermined amount of ad exposures. I have tried out this idea in test groups and it seems to have been met with resounding success. Behold and witness Adverquest!

As you can see in the above authentic chat dialogue, the character named "Drixoral" had a distinct response to my advertising pitches. This could indeed work to my sponsors' advantages. Now all that's left is the pursuit of a few companies which will agree to pay me for sitting on my ass and trying to sell Everquest players fake land deeds.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

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