Safety is always the first priority.

Get a great laugh from your friends. The Condom Dispenser costume is a riot. The costume includes: one piece pull over suit that depicts a cartoonish novelty condom dispenser. Six (6) FAKE condoms are included.

  • One-size fits most adults.
  • Shirt, pants, and shoes not included.
  • Please note: This costume is intended for adults over the age of 18.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Here's that zeal you were talking about.

Zackula: White people are so unafraid of the world they could be filming a giant grizzly bear while 50 cars are backfiring in the background and they'd have a goofy grin. This is the grin of a man too stupid to fear anything.

Zackula: Yet white people are the first to freak out when they watch a Youtube video and think cell phones can cook an egg.

Dr. Thorpenstein: He's got the carefree euphoria of a man who has totally resigned himself to the idea that people are having sex all around him but he's basically just an inanimate object, and his best hope is to be tangentially related to sex somehow.

Zackula: Well, hell, I could make millions with my "sex bed costume" idea. It's just a bed costume with a big arrow and sign that reads, "Have sex on me!"

Zackula: To be honest, Dave, I just don't get white people.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Oh, so now we're on to the liberal white guilt/white denial segment of the program? You leftist race traitors make me sick.

Zackula: I'm secure enough in my racial supremacy to poke fun at myself occasionally.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Whew, good save.

Zackula: I knew I had to say something. We were teetering on the precipice of losing all of our Stormfront readers.

Dr. Thorpenstein: If you can't look at the giant condom machine costume and the grinning ghostface buffoon within it and be proud of your aryan heritage, maybe it's just time to ship you back to "Meh-hee-co" where you belong.

Zackula: Nooo!

Dr. Thorpenstein: Bring me back some lacquered frog mariachis. Oh, and a sombrero for my PLUS SIZE TEQUILLA WETBACK PARTY ANIMAL COSTUME AI AI AI ARRRRRIBA! Let's get this fuckin' party started! Oh, I'm totally gonna tell that chick to "drink the worm." C'MON BABY DON'T BE SCARED, DRINK THE WORM! Do you think she gets it?

Zackula: *50 cars backfire*

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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