I get sick and tired of Chefs in a restaurant who don't understand that their job is to cook food and sometimes they have to prepare it a certain way. I'm not asking for substitutions, or something off the menu, but if I want a hamburger or a steak well done, shut the fuck up. I don't give a fuck what sort of degree or experience you may have as a chef, I don't go out to a place to eat something I don't want to eat.
People have different tastes and they have a habbit of eating food a certain way. Great, you've invested a lot of time and money into learning a art form, guess what champ, there area lot of people who think the Mona Lisa looks like a waste of paint. Not everyone will like your type of art. Some people don't like fancy chutneys with a piece of meat, they like to enjoy the meat itself. Oh look veggies, great but maybe I'm not that hungry and I just want to eat the piece of meat. Get over it.
What about a steak sauce on a steak cooked a certain way I like it... boo fucking hoo. You work in a restaurant, you can delight me with your fancy menu planning, but at the end of the day, if I want a steak cooked well done, or want ketchup or A-1.
I don't understand why chefs get so outraged over the fact that some people don't take food as serious as the chef does. If you're the type of person that gets outraged when a steak is ordered well done, then you're in the wrong fucking business. You quite literally are in customer service. Sorry you may not agree with it, but you are and in some instances you paid a lot of fucking money to do it.
If someone is invited into your home, and you prepared a fine meal for them, be happy in the fact that you cooked a great meal, your confidence in your abilities does not come from someone who eats the way you think they should eat, nor does it come from someone who eats everything you serve them. If you need that sort of confidence builder, cook for yourself.
I will agree that too much fucking cliantro on dishes is annoying. People who chew with their mouths open piss me off too.
A dirty kitchen. That is probably my biggest hate. If you can't keep your cooking area, knifes, and dishware clean, then it shows that you really don't care about the quality in the art of cooking.
I dislike chefs who spend more time working the floor than they do cooking. Yeah you got sous chefs, a pastry chef, and a garde manger to do the bulk of the work, but if you go out and talk to your customers, make sure you have mastered the skill of bowing out. Don't spend too much time talking to a table, we are there to eat and have a conversation amongst ourselves. If you want to ask how the food is great, limit it to that, don't start asking for a autobiography unless we offer it.
If you are waiter, watch your tables. Refill empty drinks, and once a table has finished most of the main course, don't assume that they need a brand new drink, it doesn't hurt to ask, and it would be a good time to check up them anyway. Don't drop the food off, and leave, then less than a minute later come back and ask how the food is if they haven't even bothered to cut into their main course. Also, don't neglect a person eating by themselves and focus on the table of six over there. Also be aware of where you are talking and who might be able to hear you. I don't know how many times I've heard waitstaff rip some picky customer apart when I'm a customer myself. It makes me wonder what they would say about me if I ordered ranch dressing and got bleu cheese dressing instead.
I can't stress it enough but cooking is an art, but for a lot of people it is also a job. Because it is a job, you're going to have to prepare things you don't like, you really need to get over it.
* Raw - Uncooked. Used in dishes like steak tartare. Steak is rarely eaten at this stage. However, it is gaining popularity with raw foodists.
* Blue rare or very rare - Cooked very quickly; the outside is seared, but the inside is usually cool and not warm and definitely not cooked. The steak will be bluish or slightly red on the inside.
* Rare - The outside is gray-brown, and the middle of the steak is red and slightly warm.
* Rare plus - The outside is grey-brown, and the middle of the steak is mostly red and warm, with some pink. Often ordered by those that prefer medium rare and don't mind rare but worry about overcooking towards medium.
* Medium rare - The steak will have a fully red, warm center. Unless specified otherwise, upscale steakhouses will generally cook to at least this level.
* Medium - The middle of the steak is hot and red with pink surrounding the center. The outside is gray-brown.
* Medium well - The meat is light pink with gray-brown surrounding the center.
* Well done - The meat is gray-brown throughout and slightly blackened or charred. Well done steaks are sometimes preferred for children and the elderly, as they are more susceptible to food-borne illness.
Me? Medium well.
Sir Mix-a-Lot's classic follow up to "Baby Got Back" has serious unintended consequences.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
The Something Awful Forums are, by far, the greatest and most entertaining community on the internet. From the Comedy Goldmine to Photoshop Phriday, our forums are pretty much the lone island refusing to be engulfed by the sea of stupidity that is the internet. While sections like the Comedy Goldmine and Photoshop Phriday showcase the intentionally hilarious forum creations, we've failed to reveal the coin's flip side. The Great Goon Database is a depository of unintentionally amusing Something Awful Forum quotes demonstrating the darker side of SA. Special thanks to Goon "LittleJoe" for collecting and sorting these gems.