Crappy New Flash Movie!
Local doofus Cakewalk has concocted a new Flash movie for your viewing misery. It's called "Aborted" and it's about as offensive as you can get short of killing orphans and using their body parts to dam a river and endanger all the fish that pass through it. But it's still hilarious and features a most catching musical number sure to dominate the charts! Expect to see this movie nabbing the Oscar next year for best picture and best original song.
Go watch this horrible thing! Or don't! You'll be sorry no matter what you choose to do!
HUT HUT HUT HIKE! NEW #86/68!
In an effort to continue my quest to blind as many people as possible, I have created an exciting new episode of #86/68. As you can imagine this is a patriotic adventure filled with twists and right angle turns sure to leave you breathless and suffering from a raging headache. Plus it has a surprise ending that rivals the surprise ending of "The Sixth Sense" where it turned out the kid was really a sled named Rosebud all along.
Celebrate this Independence Day by reading up on one of America's finest heroes. Read "The Justice Reversal" now! It's like a razorblade massage for your eyes! HUT HUT HUT HIKE!
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.