Ask Emily Anything!
The crazy advice maven is back and she's brought with her a new plethora of sad lives and misery and barrels. I am not sure what the barrels are for. Just head on over to the brand spankin' new Ask Emily column and read what advice she had to give to losers like you.
I would like to ask you a serious question about hot teenage love. There is a girl in my journalism class, and she is very pretty. I fuck around in class all the time, and she always laughs and says 'Gee, you're really funny.' I think she likes me, and I know for a fact that she's single, but I don't know what to do. She thinks I'm funny, likes my jokes, and is very pretty. I want some advice to get into her pantaloons please!
To find out the answer to this and other hard-hitting questions that affect you and will continue to affect you until you DIE, go over there and read the stuff. It's not like I'm saying all of this for my health, you know.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.