Buster's World, submitted by Josh. Let's get on with the review!
RICH "LOWTAX" KYANKA: Hey, what do we have here, a fat hairy gay man who masturbates to balloons and leather chaps, that's just great. See, the wonders of the Internet allow us to read, in excruciating detail, every screwed up aspect of this weirdo's life because otherwise we'd have to wait for him to show up on COPS before learning about him. This is one of the prime reasons why I love the Internet while simultaneously wanting to make it explode.
With another deft bit of slight of hand, the clown whips your trunks down around your knees. If your mouth weren't already stretched open as far as it will go, you're sure your jaw would drop with shock. You cast your eyes down and see your cock, stiff as a board, bouncing in the breeze. The audience squeals with delight and entire troop of Japanese tourists catch the moment on Fuji film.
Yes, that's correct, the guy has "erotic" fantasies about clowns pulling down his pants in front of Japanese tourists. I really don't think I need to write any more, and if I did, I would probably refuse. This is one of those links that are just barely entertaining in an "oh my God" kind of way, an experience like if you're aboard a spaceship and one of those facehugger aliens leaps out and attaches itself to your skull. I mean yeah, it's kind of interesting at first, but after that point it just gets disgusting, creepy, and makes you beg other people to kill you. I'm going to have to give this one a very large thumbs down.
EMILY "INTEGRAL" REIGEL: I won't pretend to understand why there are people like this anywhere in existence. I don't need to. The only thing I need to do is find a way to forget about what I have seen as fast and as painlessly as possible which may or may not involve a large amount of lighter fluid. This person should not exist and I was a lot happier before I found out that he did.
I like to press tight balloons against my body, or have tight balloons pressed against my body. Against the underside of my genitals in particular... I find the soft stretchy pressure particularly intense. I like to lightly brush or have an incredibly tight balloon brushed over my nipples and chest lightly... I like this especially when my nipples are swollen and sensitive.
I am not sure that I am very happy with this situation at all. In fact, upon further review, I am very unhappy with it. I don't want to think about this guy and his balloons or his leather or his buttsex with balloons and leather. I am happy to know that he has his underwear, socks, and jock straps for sale on his site for the low, low price of about $15 but at the same time I am unhappy to know that there are people like him anywhere in existence. So I'll have to just go ahead and give this a big old thumbs down.
And you thought women had one-dimensional script intros that treated them like sex objects. Ewoks have it even worse.
No one seems to like the new Doom box art. But it's still the same old Doom Guy under that space marine helmet. Right?
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.