I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
I've been Offworld to the frontiers.
I've stood on the back deck of a blinker bound for the Plutition Camps.
I've watched the fires of Prometheus being flung into the void.
Weyland-Yutani hog riggers doing thrust spins on a spaghetti nebula.
I've seen it. I've felt it. Big things. Crazy things. Unbelievable deals.
Fudgequakes at Nom Nom 9. Cool ice men in an ice city. A space snake. An asteroid shaped like a ball sack.
I genocided crab people on the moons of Andromeda.
I dropped nuclear fusion bombs on the mossy hill yurts of peaceful rabbit men on Agraria.
I watched good replicants die for oil profits.
I met a cholo implanted with a xenomorph egg tricking out a flying low rider.
I watched a sex replicant doing special horny moves that no human could ever achieve.
I've drained a big cyst like cottage cheese being scooped out of a meteor crater.
I went on an unconnected 3D IMAX adventure that favorably references China for international theatrical re-release.
I watched a cut of Robin Hood that wasn't worse than full body cancer.
I signed autographs for money and judged cosplay competitions in Hall C of OrionCon.
I smelled prequel before the opening credits.
All these things and more will be lost like tears in a toilet.
(Pantomimes flushing a toilet and makes flushing sounds)
Time to die.
But remember, I am a replicant, so there could be another one just like me coming in 2015's Blade Runner 2: Back to Bladesics.
Ferguson's long arm of the law laments the latest cutback.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.