Greetings loyal readers! In this issue of Bouquet-Humping Monthly we've sure got a challenge for you! Two single hunks at the peak of their talent spill their guts in their search for a special hubba-hubba-hubba, and you, fabulous reader, get to pick whichever fits your fancy. Are we crazy? You betcha! We've pitted Alex "Tweedle" Dunbar, the giant gentleman, against the pious Glen "The Good" Ridell. Good luck picking just one, you wonderful readers! Imagine the excitement, the anxiety, and the repetitive cleaning duties that you would have as Mrs. (or Mr.) Bouquet-humper. Wow! Zippy! Zonkomatic! Pin-up posters available on the back page! Please renew your subscription!


Alex Dunbar, 37
6'9", 214 lb
Name
Stats
Glen Ridell, 18
5'7", 132 lb
14 years
Bouquet-Humping
Career Length
5 years
"Tweedle"Nickname"The Good"
Rhubarb pie & story timeLikesSilence & Book of Levitcus
Loud dogs & strawberry pieDislikesModern industry & machinery
Likes Bouquet-humpingWhy Bouquet-humping?A vision while fasting
His motherIdeal LoverJesus (in manger)
Fancy Feast Classic ChickenFavorite flavor
of cat food
Iams Adult Filets with
Salmon in Sauce
Can tie own shoes, eventually
Special TalentCan befriend any animal
& gut it within the hour
Killed family dogDark SecretKilled family
Thinks about Bouquet-humping
before humping bouquet
Preparation for
Bouquet-humpimg
Focuses all evil & toxins
within the body & directs
them to groin area
Sparrows & any bird that
fits in pocket
Biggest FearBeing caught in the rain wearing
dry clean only wool sweater
Incomplete skeleton of motherPrized possessionAction Comics #252 VG-
"Give every boy, girl, & kitty-cat
a big slice of rhubarb pie followed
by a nice long belly rub."
How would you
improve the world?
"The Lord will come down, the sky
darkens as he nears. Panic &
begging consumes the weak,
but He doles no mercy. Every
breath is stolen & mankind
suffocates in its own sin as He
descends back upon the land He
created. Those that listened &
loved will be led to a great Arcade
while all that remains upon this
cracked & scorched earth are
those that failed to follow the Holy
Demand to not curse in front of
Grandma & Grandpa"
PizzaFavorite foodPizza

– Ian "Salmon Season" Golding (@iggolding)

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