|How It Looks||How It Tastes||How I Feel About It|
|I like this! I will eat this!|
|I have not tried this.||You cannot fool me with this new food! This is not the food I like! The next three hours will be spent picking out each piece I dislike with the meticulous intensity that nerds use to categorize old videogames.|
|I have not tried this.||I'm just going to go ahead and scatter this "food" across the floor, and you're not going to say a word if you know what's good for you.|
Yes that is a threat.
|I have not tried this.||I will stare at the bowl for an hour. Then I will meow at you for an undetermined period of time. When I bore, I will return to staring at the bowl. Then I will begin meowing again at 4am and will not stop until the sun rises above the neighboring houses.|
|I have not tried this.||You have exactly three hours to replace this new garbage with my preferred food before I find my way into your closet and cough a huge juicy hairball all over your favorite shoes. The clock is ticking, human.|
|I have not tried this.||This is not food. This is an insult to everything I hold dear. Tonight while you sleep I'm going to piss outside my litter box. Where? You will never find out. I know places you cannot reach and corners you've never seen.|
|I have not tried this.||You know that credenza you love? The mahogany heirloom with the marble top you got from your great-great grandmother? Well, just to be clear, I'm going to scratch the shit out if it. And it's your fault.|
Given our society's obsession with stalking and ridiculing celebrities, it's tempting to seek a life of anonymity. But beware: not being famous has its own hidden costs.
Mass Effect: Andromeda turns its nose up at the original trilogy's rigid morality. It boasts a more nuanced and intellectually compelling shades-of-grey approach in which a heart icon pops up when it's time to tell an alien to take their clothes off.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.