|How It Looks||How It Tastes||How I Feel About It|
|I like this! I will eat this!|
|I have not tried this.||You cannot fool me with this new food! This is not the food I like! The next three hours will be spent picking out each piece I dislike with the meticulous intensity that nerds use to categorize old videogames.|
|I have not tried this.||I'm just going to go ahead and scatter this "food" across the floor, and you're not going to say a word if you know what's good for you.|
Yes that is a threat.
|I have not tried this.||I will stare at the bowl for an hour. Then I will meow at you for an undetermined period of time. When I bore, I will return to staring at the bowl. Then I will begin meowing again at 4am and will not stop until the sun rises above the neighboring houses.|
|I have not tried this.||You have exactly three hours to replace this new garbage with my preferred food before I find my way into your closet and cough a huge juicy hairball all over your favorite shoes. The clock is ticking, human.|
|I have not tried this.||This is not food. This is an insult to everything I hold dear. Tonight while you sleep I'm going to piss outside my litter box. Where? You will never find out. I know places you cannot reach and corners you've never seen.|
|I have not tried this.||You know that credenza you love? The mahogany heirloom with the marble top you got from your great-great grandmother? Well, just to be clear, I'm going to scratch the shit out if it. And it's your fault.|
Nightwatch Brigade Insignia: Awarded for hiding in a coat closet and watching God's Not Dead, God's Not Dead 2, and Last Man Standing on a 1980s-era portable tv every night instead of sleeping
Why you honk and how it’s misinterpreted.
If you think Hitler was good, you've got another thing coming.
These tips are guaranteed to work. Nearly every time.
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