I awaken and go out to hear the fuss
in my old torn bathrobe.
I'm hung over
hair down in my eyes
squinting at the stage
gingerly walking down towards the front
where I can see the seams in the
TED talker's face.

Everyone is texting
whatever that means
and listening to this woman tell us about
old dreams of whiskey
rioting while I try to listen
she is making shapes in the air

"christ," I say
gathering up my bag of piss, my pockets full
of old candies,
jesus christ wouldn't believe this
what is a smart gesture?
she asks and answers

"sit down," says a man
made out of his haircut
and bad looks from sharp glasses
"fuck off," I say in no uncertain terms
both hands birding
and these jokers,
like they can't imagine the age of 50.

there's only one thing for this place.

I'll have to find out what the Internet of Things is some other night.

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    ‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.

  • Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.