Going to Eating the Good Stuff
Here is a picture of me drawn based on a photo of me which is taken after I am declared the undenied winner of 2001 salsa festival and the crown is on my head.Those in the know of Yours Truly are making to know that I am some times cooking up quite a hurricane of flavor. I am a fine fan of the good foods in life too, not just the ones I am cooking up in my own sauced pans. I am hearing you as if to say, "Wrestling superstar El Pinto Grande, why are we given towards caring of what things you are putting in your stomach? Just relate the tales of your great victories in the circle that is squared!" It is true that I have many tales to explain on this computer book, but the ones that I am explaining today are about the Tijuana Salsa Taste Off which is exploding into the scene every November in great city of Tijuana.
Much as I am crowned king of ring at all times I am given to being placed on the throne of hot salsas, so zippy is my concocted style. Every year I am brewing up grande sized pot of mother's secretive recipe, God rest her soul, and the secret ingredient is some of it love and mostly Camecca peppers which will burn through a brick wall they are so towards the hot side of the weigh-in. I am reading the cartoon stories of American wrestler Super Man who is able to be flying and is left in state of perfection by bullets that are bouncing off his eyes. Still I am thinking if this great champion of my Northern brothers is coming down south of the border and touching a Camecca pepper he is going to frighten easily!
It is no big deal when I am given scepter of salsa accomplishments and walk at head of great salsa parade. This is making to happen every year since 1987, except for 1996 when Senorita Suplex sneaks into ingredient tent of Yours Truly and is replacing Camecca peppers with a photocopy which is made from butter painted with nail polishes to resemble the austere splendor of Camecca. Since this years I am keeping the peppers under locks and keys I guess is going without saying!
This festival is not just about the Salsa I am trying to tell you. There are many game-type booths for the younger luchadors to test their skill at punching rotten melons or throwing rotten melons at prisoners who are given the old work detail to stand against wall so the children are throwing the melons at them. Don't worry folks! It is safe. They are giving them the plastic bags over heads so the melon sauce is not getting in the eyes and burning something fearsome. Also the foods that do not necessarily involved with the salsa are a sight for sore eyes!
This is wagon of rotten melon rinds and straw in which Yours Truly and Sombrero Largo are waking up into.This year I have to give confession to readers that I am eating a bit too much of the deep fried rotten melon cakes. They are so good and they go straight to my hips which makes me asleep and I am falling asleep in the back of wagon which is bound for adventures. Somehow wife-type and large son do not see me doing the sleep in the back of the wagon as it is making headway into the countryside and I am left to my own device in the back with the straw and the melon rinds. Lucky for Yours Truly, good friend-type Sombrero Largo is also along for the ride, as he is given to drinking some of the rotten gut that will make his vision swimming like hookworm larvae in river.
I am awaking first and it is hot sun above my head which is not the location where the sun should be occurring because when I am sitting down on wagon originally the sun is just setting. I am given to moving some of the straw and melon rinds and I discover that Sombrero Largo is curled into embraced with a jug labeled with XXX which is like liquid you are squeezing from "adult only" portion of video renting establishments I am guessing. It is smelling something terrible! When I am managing to wake him up as well and say to good friend "where are we fellow legend of Mexico wrestling scene?", he is gassing from the mouth and it is not the pleasant smells of days bygone.
The wagon is made to stop and the driver is not to be seen anywhere in sight and neither is the burro which I am assuming is what has locomotivated the cart into our current positioning. Sombrero Largo is still having a bad case of the "silly brains" from the bad stuff in the jug, so I am lending him a helping shoulder to cry on while we are making our way and trying to locate the bearings. The land mark is not familiar in the area we are around and I am beginning to get the worries about wife and large son and how they may be lost in the woods even though woods are not around because woods are not a place for wife and large son to be lost. Mall is okay, there is air conditioners and pet store with the hamster instead of bears that come and try to eat the faces, which is what may happen if you are lost in the woods and the bears catch word of you.
The sun is so hot and it is beating down on us both like the flurry of kicks and fisticuffs from Big Truck Punch, so we are seeking some sheltered living. There are some rocks cropping out from dirt and I spy a cave with my sense like a cat. We are headed to in there to get out of the baking sunshine until it goes away to the other side of the land's end.
There is a spooky feeling to this cave I am telling you the straight truth gentle reader-types. Sombrero Largo is busy being occupied with his stupor and he is not noticing the haunted sensations given off by this cave. I am fine tuned into this sort of phenomenon from being raised in a burn where we are leaving the doors open at all time and sometimes the white bull "Whitey" is like a specter of the dead come back from the grave to haunt us. I am always able to spot "Whitey" before he can creep to upon you and scare the spirit of the Lord right out of your bones! This skills are coming in hands in the rings with the tricks of some of these more evil wrestlers who are making agreements with the darkest of powers. It is also handy when you are in a haunted cave which is where I am saying Sombrero Largo and Yours Truly are finding themselves.
I am trying to convince good friend Sombrero Largo to accompany Yours Truly on a caper exploring haunted caves. After all that we are wrestling masters who should not be afraid of a few ghosts. He seems to be more interested with vomiting his insides into the corner and singing while he rolls around in the vomit lake he is quickly creating. I am afraid of his stink more than ghosts and so I set out alone into cave of despair, with the hoots coming fast and furiously. These are spooky hoots like an owl or a wolf but maybe between the two like if an owl got swallowed by a wolf and was hooting up a storm inside the wolf-type's mouth.
I am think this creepy hooting is of a ghostly natures but it is turning out to be less ghostly than I am originally thinking.I put on the game faces and go deeper into cave using only my disposable lighter with a picture of Jesus on it. I am thinking maybe picture of Christ is warding off spirits until I am stumbling down a ghost trap set by those wily ghost and oh reader, I fall for so long I lose track of time all at once! When I am stopped falling I hear a voice echoing inside of deepest parts of cave.
"Bold warrior, I am The Great Ghost Wrestler. In my careers I am wrestling many ghosts and always coming out on the tops. Then one day a melon rind wagon is out of control in village and I am run over by the wagon and made to kicking the bucket. I am still wrestling the ghosts as a ghost myself but it is just not the same way. Ghost beating ghost is not thrilling the fans like it used to. So I use all my spirit force to carry my magical ghost wrestler championship belt into this cave where it is waiting for a new warrior who is chosen to be the one."
I am losing track of what he is saying after this because I am having a spider on my leg and then it is getting tangled in my cape and I am not a large fan of spiders. I do not hear all of what he says because I am jumping up and down and yelling at the spider and cursing its mother's name, which is above the line perhaps, but spider doesn't know the difference. Once I have dispatched this eight-legged menace of the deep, I am made to ponder the words from beyond the graves. I decide in a hurry to search for this ghost wrestler belt so that I can become chosen to be the one.
I am wandering through the bone yards for what seems like a month and a day. I am hearing the weird hooty noises all the times and sometimes I am collapse on ground because the tired is too much. Finally I am finding the magical ghost wrestler championship belt in lava stream. I am remembering towards the movie Krull and I reach into the lava and it burns so much but it does not burn quite as much as a Camecca pepper so I am well girded against the powers that be in the lava. I make to retrieve the belt from the lava and I succeed and the belt is mine.
The powers it is giving to me are amazing. In a matter of minutes after finding this powerful artifact of ghost wrestling I am locating and defeating the sources of the hooting that has been driving me to the bonkers. It turned out it was an owl that was lodged in the throat of a wolf. I kicked that wolf so hard the owl came flying out of his mouth and then while the owl was shooting through the air I punched him into the wall and it was a one way trip to knockout hacienda. The belt is also shooting beams of light out of its top parts that lead me to the way to outside, where Sombrero Largo is finishing off his bottle of adult content beverages.
He is telling me that while I am traipsing around in the bowels of the earth he is on a scouting mission and is discovering that the Salsa Festival is right down the road a few feet behind a sign that says "Salsa Festival 2001". He is asking me about the belt but I just smiled and make to nod because he will see soon enough the amazing power of this belt. We are to have matches against Senor Fantasma and his Ghost Harem. These are no good sorts who are often difficult to defeat because they are such slippery customer.
Wife and large son are happy to enjoy the return of Yours Truly as well and they are wondering where I am going off to. Wife-type is suspicious that it is the naked bar to where Sombrero Largo is often leading Yours Truly, but I am swearing on the grave of The Great Ghost Wrestler that it is not the cases of truth. It was good wholesome family fun!
Sir Mix-a-Lot's classic follow up to "Baby Got Back" has serious unintended consequences.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
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