Although I'm not supposed to be writing about my problems with Express.com, I can't help but respond to the recent interview with Express on Gamers.com. Talk about adding insult to injury.

Gamers.com: Does the GameFan Network/Express.com owe money to hosted sites for back payment of ad revenue?

Wool: Express.com has met or exceeded all financial obligations for its GameFan Network Associates. We are currently reconciling payments against true contractual obligations and will be issuing notice to Associates shortly.

I love that part: "met or exceeded all financial obligations." Yup, according to this Express.com toadie, all the sites have been paid... and some have even been paid TOO MUCH! What a hell of a company! I'm sure glad they have met all financial obligations, because I did a quick double-check of my financial records, and I seem to be under the impression that:

1) I have never gotten a paycheck for June (served up 3.3 million banner ads)
2) I have never gotten a paycheck for July (served up 6.1 million banner ads)

Perhaps I'm just not smart enough to decipher PR speak, but doesn't "meeting or exceeding all financial obligations" kind of insinuate that they met or exceeded all financial obligations? If this is indeed the case, why haven't I been given a check for these 9.4 million ads of theirs I served? Were the last two months I was hosted on Gamefan merely a "grace period" where I was serving up their ads from the pure goodness of my heart? I sent an email to Daniel Wool, the Express.com PR toadie, and haven't gotten any response so far. This doesn't really surprise me, as nobody at Express.com has ever answered a single one of my emails. Quite an interesting way to run a company (into the ground), folks. Hats off to Evil Avatar who reported on the news and offered assistance to the 40-something Gamefan sites that were left in the cold thanks to Express.com's sudden shutdown of the entire network.

This probably won't shock anybody too much, but I have been informed (again) that Cliff Yablonski does still, in fact, hate us.

From: cliff yablonski
Subject: (no subject)

hey sausage link

I hate you. three new pages of pus-faced rejects from Appleton City. post the news and I'll put off kicking your ass for an extra two hours.

cliff

THE BOTTOM LINE: I think this map will serve as a good fulcrum around which to revolve the question of just what makes a map "Cranky" in nature? It isn't Cranky just because we say so, but rather has to rise up to such a level of ineptness or inherent evil that an atmosphere of pathos and confusion is instilled within the sentient Quake player no matter how eager he or she is to play. I am confused as to why this map made me barf, and it was so pathetic that I don't even recommend laughing at it. Does that count?

Youch. Check out the latest Quake 2 and Quake 3 maps to be reamed.

After struggling in vain with the exceptionally complex A Boy and His Blob (yes, sarcasm has been encoded into the HTML tags here), Nefarious has scraped up another ROM Pit Review... of Hello Kitty.

There’s a plethora of cute little beanie baby enemies that you have to avoid. There are birds, ants, crabs, bees, wasps, spikes, walking fire, and some weird, floating star-shaped thingies. The last three are the only things that can actually kill you, but you can’t kill them, so the entire basis of the game is just floating around and avoiding them. That’s not what I call a video game. That’s more like a carnival game. Although on the plus side, I don’t have to keep forking over dollar bills to try and knock enough bottles over to win my skanky girlfriend an Eric Cartman doll.

Hmmm... I don't remember seeing this title infest one of the thousands of Hello Kitty stores that suddenly sprang up in the late 1980's. That's probably a good thing. Regardless, here it is.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

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