You stumble to your feet and make your way to your apartment. You slip in and out of consciousness until you open the door. The room seems to darken with every step. Blood splatters against your laptop screen as you cough. You try to type your password in, but your fingers don't seem to work, they falter and fall heavily across the keys. When you finally get it right, your wifi goes out.

You crawl to your router and restart the modem. When it's up, you sign in and send the assignment. It makes it just in time. You pass out on the floor.

– Ian "Salmon Season" Golding (@iggolding)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    ‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.

  • Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.