Recently, SA forums poster 4-port USB Hub posted a link to a website called Gay On The Range. This is a website that catalogs covers of old gay erotic books, and I spent awhile looking through it. Those two statements were in no way connected, I have no idea why I didn't separate them into two sentences. In any case, the books seemed the exact type of material that we here at the Bargain Book Bin live for: books we can say funny things about.
Unfortunately, Gay On The Range only provides the covers, with no description or excerpts. So I just had to guess at what each book was about based on its cover. Due to the nature of the covers, most of these guesses ended up being about gay men. If reading about gay men bothers you, then this sentence might bother you. Let's start things off:
Possible Plot: John is just a simple man, with simple problems, but he and his newly wedded wife are in dire financial straits. So when a muscular devil played by Adrian Brody (Angels in the Outfield, an episode of "Saturday Night Live") comes into his life, he agrees to make a deal in exchange for a lifetime of wealth. But instead of asking for his soul, the devil wants to sleep with him, because the devil is gay. His wife is unsure.
Comments: The title of the book would also work for a Chick tract or an album by a gay death metal band. Song titles would include: "Rip Out the Throats of Little Children (Rainbrow Pride Remix)" and "The Bloodreaper With the Nicely Toned Buttcheeks Descendth".
How gay is it: 63% gay
Possible Plot: There is none. This is a serious academic attempt to prove that 1969 was, in fact, the gayest year on record. Other strong possible contenders include 1932, 1977, and whatever year you were born in. Extensive footnotes back up the various factors he cites, including how many men were having sex with other men that year, and how the last two digits of the year are just like that sex thing that sometimes gay men do.
Comments: It's true that very few movies have been filmed in "Homoscope", let alone any books. But if it worked for the Harry Potter movies, I guess it'll work for this.
How gay is it: 5 naked gay men out of 10 (naked gay men).
Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
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