This article is part of the Online Anarchy series.
,---., .,---.,---.,---.| ||,---.--.--,---.
|---|| ||---||---'| |---||`---. | `---.
| || || || | | || | | |
` '` `'` '` ``---'` '``---' ` `---'
_____ _ __ __ __
/ ___/_ __(_)__/ /__ / / ___ / /__
/ (_ / // / / _ / -_) _ / _ / '_/
V O L U M E 1 - I S S U E 2 2
"Grugh!!! I'm a Sheriff and you give me a displeasure so bad!"
You know youre hopes and dreams ? Well they are all a bunch of big
turds. Sorry to say it but its true. You won't amount to much more
than a regular dude ever in your life so you might as well do this
stuff in the file. But please remember that the stuff in here can
get you badly hurt or punched by someone if you aren't a sly guy.
I'm something of a professonal so please listen to what I say.
Now get ready for some chaos!!!!
/// FRISBEE GOLF FUN ZONE ///
Do you have any friends who play this game? Well guess what it is
the most stupid game ever. If you dont know it it's basically when
guys throw a frisbee to nobody in particular and then go pick
it up and keep throwin it to nobody else. Way to figure out how to
play frisbee by yourself you nincompoops.
A v. good way to cause trouble at the links is to hide in the brush
or behind a tree and wait for a dude to throw a frisbee that lands
near you. Then just run up on it and huck it somewhere!! My fav.
is when you just run out and pick up a guys frisbee and wait for
em to come running at you though.. Wait until hes like 20 feet away
then launch it at him directly. Gotta watch out though. Sometimes
the guy will do that thing where he jumps up and puts his knee up
in the air to block the oncoming frisbee and will keep running at
you in this case you better hope theres an adult around (or if you
are already an adult, then an adult older than you)
/// POLICE PRANK PARTY ///
Step one is to break into a police station and gain access to the
phone. Then #2 is call anyone you dont like and freak them out. For
example I really hate my friends mom so I would call up his dad and
scare the bones out of him but this one takes some careful thought,
You probably just want to call up and be like "Your wifes got a bad
case of crud butt" but you cant do that because its not too scary
and he will know is fake straight away.. Instead try "Hello sir
this is the cops. Your wife has been busted for a bad case of the
crud butt." Practical joke complete!!
/// CHEMISTRY CORNER ///
You may have heard a bit about how to make bombs using chemicals.
Like smoke bombs or stink bombs and all the recipes are very hard
to do because you have to be v. smart to make all the dynamite or
whatever. Well that's bunk and you know it. If a man like us wants
to start some big business, we need noting but a big old rock of
sulfur. The trick here is that this yellow rock smells like an odor
of the bathroom variety. Now just wait until a big day like when
your folks bring home the boss for dinner and figure out a clever
place to leave the rock. Anywhere you put it will emit a truly
terrible stink!! One idea is to write a letter to the person at
your house before they get there and make it look like an official
contest winning letter. Thats when you put the rock inside. Then
they will open it during dinner while very excited because they
think they are going to win big but actually the only thing
happening is they are going to get stinked up when they should be
smelling like downtown. That's when you crawl out from under the
dining room table and hold your nose and say "Oh Lordy This Is
Quite The Rude Couple, Smelling Up The Place. Uagh!! Im Getting
Sick At Them" and take off for your bedroom. I only recommend
this last part of the tip if you can run faster than your dad.
Or I guess just leave it in a shoe.
/// BASEBALL DREAM COME TRUE ///
This trick is done when you know someone who really likes you
but you don't like them very much and they are the type that
keeps talking to you no matter what all the time and they
own a pickup truck. Go get a baseball at the store and write
"Official Home Run Baseball" on it and when the person comes out
of their house to get in the truck and they start it, toss the
ball into the back of the truck. He will think a baseball game
just had a homerun and it landed! Then he will go inside to call
the news but before he can dial you have to call him up and say
in a womanly voice "I Like Boys Who Are Lucky. Wait Outside I'm
Going To Drive By And Flash You My Boobs." and hang up. Then
when you see him outside just run out your front door and start
chasing him down the street!! He'll get all scared beacuse he
doesn't know why you're mad and you won't either.
/// HAIRCUT HERETIC ///
Next time your friends mom gets a haircut, write up a note like
this and leave it in their house:
"Dear My Wife,
Nice Haircut. By The Way, Your Head Looks Like A Bug's Head And
When You Breathe During Intimate Times It Sounds Like Ducks
While they are fighting you can sneak a beer that you cant
get at home and sit in the front room and flick off everyone
that walks or drives by.
WELL I hope you enjoy some of these tips and hints and gain some
of the respect you deserve. Until next time my fellow martys. -XOZ
This file proudly downloaded from . . .
/"""""/"""""".. R A N D Y
/ / / R I P P E R
/ / / F O R E V E R
/____ / / | |/ __.---.--._
| | |_/ | .| | / | _| | `|
| | | .| | | /` ) | |
| _/| | | | / /'--:__/
| _/ | | |/ / |
|/ _ | * * * * | ( ' |
| | */* */* | `. /
| | *__ / ...""""""| |""...."""""".""
| | * /.."""""..."""| |"""......"""...
SysOps: MegaGuts - RED BELLY - Deborah - Toms Tummy - Obeast
Hey, have you guys ever seen a picture of a cat before? Well, guess what. It’s your lucky day, because I’m mixing the concept of a picture of my cat with the concept of the Internet!
Once again I'm stuck with a useless egg man statue and nobody to tend to my robust physical and emotional needs. Worst of all, the egg man didn't even come with a stool. I have to share my recliner and bed with him, and he is not sensitive to my needs at all.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.