|02/20/11||KinFX Face Depumpkinizing Salon Gel - Bath & Body Works||$768.00|
|02/21/11||4 Jackets from the Cindy McCain Collection - Nordstrom's||$375.00|
|03/09/11||10 Golf Shirts, Albino Woman's Medium - Macy's||$206.00|
|03/09/11||14 Golf Shirts, 14 khaki shorts, Adult Baby Size - Macy's||$374.00|
|03/27/11||FollowMe Twitter Bot - Chinese Trojan Free Software (Unless You Want Trojan)||$1000.00|
|04/02/11||Swarovski Crystal, Diamond and 24 kt Gold Faberge Egg (Dinosaur Size) in Rhino Horn Display Stand - Tiffany's||$500,000.00|
|04/18/11||Hickory Dracula's "Bumpkin" Widow's Peak Sculpting Comb - Paul Ryan's Amazon Wishlist||$600.00|
|05/12/11||Pain & Suffering Installment to Family of Baby Emotionally Harmed By Wife's Unearthly Gaze||$8,002.00|
|06/09/11||Brownback Deluxe Package Complete Campaign Staff - Liberty University||$75,000.00|
|06/11/11||Royalties Payment for Without FDR: Alf Landon's Peaceful Settlement with Hitler to the Benefit of Free Markets Alternate History Novel||$28.00|
|06/18/11||How to Convince Everyone You are Seriously, Actually Running for President Without Even Trying - Amazon||$18.75|
|06/20/11||TV Roundtable Appearance Fee - Fox News - This Week in Videos of Obama to Shake Your Fist At||$450.00|
|06/29/11||Mistress's Hotel Room - Concord, NH Marriott||$255.00|
|06/29/11||Dominatrix's Hotel Room - Concord, NH Marriott||$255.00|
|06/29/11||Wife's Hotel Room - Concord, NH Marriott||$255.00|
|07/07/11||Drunken Calls to Texas Governor's Mansion - AT&T||$74.00|
|07/18/11||"My Other Dick is a Scaife" Novelty Boxers (500) - Ecuador T-shirt Incorporated||$1,318.00|
|07/18/11||"I'm a Washington Outsider" T-shirt (500) - Ecuador T-shirt Incorporated||$1,008.00|
|02/08/12||"Congratulations! We Won New Hampshire!" Banner Cancellation||$85.00|
|02/09/12||Refund for Unused Portion of Brownback Deluxe Package - Liberty University||$12,800|
Obviously, the first thing necessary to getting back in shape is buying a bunch of expensive knick-knacks.
Finally, a look at the candidate's long-delayed tax returns.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.