This article is part of the Golan The Insatiable series.
Dear Golan the Insignificant,
Two things. 1) Why are you so ugly? Your face looks like a Thukk beast mated with a winged scraven. 2) Why are you such a coward? You send your minions to throw toilet paper in the trees outside my home, ring my doorbell and run away, and have pizzas delivered to me that I did not order. Why will you not face me yourself?
- Yor the Mighty
Yor the Stupid,
First off, you just asked three things not two, but I know your manure-humping village never taught the skills of math to you before I raped and destroyed it, so that should be expected. Speaking on the subject of things your easily slaughtered village didn't teach you: writing. It is most clear that someone else has written and embellished your infant-like ramblings for you. Most likely that fickle-hearted trollop Skylar you continue to bed with. Can't the Mighty Yor get a fresher woman? Skylar looks to have put on some fat too. Not that I care.
Anyway, to address your inane queries - I take your Thukk-beast-and-winged-scraven comparison as a compliment. Such a heinous chimera would inspire great dread in those who beheld it, which is what the face of a Godlord should do. As for facing you in combat, we have been over this endless times. I am Golan the Insatiable. If you wish to face me, you must storm my domicile, you insect. And though I command total control over my minions and acolytes, I know not what they do in their off hours. Next to one Mrs. Budnick, you are the most contemptible wretch in Oak Grove; surely it is likely people simply wish to demean and antagonize you because they hate you because you are feces. Die.
Enough! That is all I am able to write, based on the word restrictions the Gazette places on the letters to the editor section! To those whose lives I have transformed, you are now in the debt of Golan the Insatiable! I will have my due.
I release you now to read elsewhere.
Golan the Insatiable
Godlord Terrible of Gkruool, Crusher of Wills, Raper of All
My acolytes have informed me that obtaining a face book is a necessary step toward my swift domination of your miserable world. So be it. - Golan the Insatiable
When not depicting Golan's likeness, as the lone artisan granted the honor of doing so, Ali Horn illustrates grim bathroom rituals, ghastly hell-birthings, weeping golgothaloids, and other gorgeously macabre scenes that make Golan violently homesick for the terrible pleasures of Gkruool!
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Golan the Insatiable: Godlord Terrible of Gkruool, Crusher of Wills, Raper of All.