EXT. NIGHTMARE ISLAND COAST - NIGHT
The crashing waves bring debris ashore as bursts of lightning illuminate the night. INDIANA JONES desperately tries to keep his head above water. He tumbles in the waves, plunges deep into the water, and finally fights his way back to the surface. He hits the shore and manages to crawl out of the water. He is choking. There is a DEAD BODY on the shore beside him.
INDIANA JONESOh no...Short Round. I should have never asked you to come along.
(seeing the dead body)
Indy starts puking. A massive wave crashes ashore bringing pieces of the sunken freighter. As Indy searches for other survivors, someone hits him in the head with a rock.
INT. CHAMBER OF BLOOD AND SKULLS
Skulls and blood and rotten dead bodies are everywhere. Dozens of them. Indy is oozing blood from a gross head wound. We see that someone has been crucified above an altar and all their guts are hanging out. Indy is tied up, but he manages to cut himself loose, but as he falls he lands on spikes impaling his leg. He starts puking again when he sees the wound, crying a little too, but then he gets up. He is dirty and covered in blood and looks super upset.
Indiana Jones sees the crucified body.
INDIANA JONESSallah...what have they done...this is all my fault.
Indy smells the gross guts hanging out of Sallah.
INDIANA JONESYou smell worse on the inside, old friend.
Indy hears voices and quickly hides in the shadows to escape.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Youtube user HolkHogan420 has been systematically exposing all of the Illuminati's plans.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.