1:1For lo, a black night did descend upon the world, as the ICQ pranks on Something Awful did trickle to a halt.1:2The villagers did sendeth emails aplenty to Lowtax, but Lowtax did disregard them for he was too busyeth Photoshopping Cliffy B.'s head onto various woodland creatures' bodies.1:3But then the mighty Greenmarine did sendeth Lowtax a victim who was a subject perfect to be pranked, a Christian Fundamentalist who did spammeth people on ICQ and promote his church of ill-gotten gains and intolerance.1:4Lowtax did pranketh the rabid Fundamentalist, and the fruits of his loins are as follows:
1:5And lo, it was good, unlike the personal hygiene and social skills of Lowtax.
Hooray! To top off the wonderful fact that I finally got off my lazy ass and pranked somebody, we've also got a brand new ROM Pit Review of Barbie Supermodel. Ugh.
Once that is completed you have to leave to a new exotic location, I think mainly because Barbie is trying to escape loan sharks. Once you've pissed off the local organized crime boss, the terrible cycle of vengeance begins anew and you find yourself fleeing from one side of the screen to the other again, pimping your good looks for a brand new plane ticket to freedom! On your journeys from one side of the screen to the other you may encounter bags or cameras which force you to test your memory skills and recreate the latest Barbie magazine cover by either painting up Barbie's face to look like a reject from the Degrassi Junior High series or choosing the outfit which makes Barbie look less like a desperate crackwhore down to her last rock.
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
U2 and Apple have conspired to place a U2 album into your music in the year 2014. You own a U2 album. And you can't get rid of it.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.