You won't have to wait until next Wednesday to find out what's going to happen on the next episode of South Park; thanks to our super-secret Hollywood connections, Something Awful has secured the first three pages of what will surely be another award-winning adventure in social commentary. Matt Stone and Trey Parker-you masters of American satire-we salute you!
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.