Yo another year startin up here at Phoenix University, and this one promises to be wilder than ever before! The online classrooms might be borin' ya all out, but our online parties are pretty freaking legendary. Our keggers aren't limited to a frat house or some junk-o dorm. Oh no, when we party, we're partying from all the living rooms and computer labs in the country. Hell yeah. We party 2.0 style.
Nontraditional parties for nontraditional students. That's our motto, and we live it to the extreme. So, why don't you put your kids to sleep, close up those textbooks you're reading for a managerial warehouse position, and start wildnout.
Labor Day Kegger is the biggest party of the year, so I hope you frosh know what's coming. An extra long weekend means us bros have an extra day to party before heading back, all hung over and shit, to our entry level positions. So if you want to have some fun with us, cancel your golf trip this weekend and pop a tab and tip it on back, cause the only thing you're going to be teeing off this weekend is your wife. Wutang.
Wanna be a part of the biggest party at the biggest (internet) college in the country? Hell yeah you do.
Alright, so now you're sure to have a good time, but let talk about music. You need these songs and your playlist must be in this order. We can't all be jamming to different things, so start your music at exactly 9:30 Phoenix time a.k.a. party time.
So here's the official playlist. Lil Jon - Get Low, Usher - Yeah, O.A.R. - Crazy Game of Poker, 50cent - In Da Club, Eddie Money - Take Me Home Tonight, Asher Roth - I Love College, Bon Jovi - Living On a Prayer. Yo there are more, but it's a pain in the ass to type this stuff out, just so long as you know that with jams like this you'll be bouncing to the ground with some babe who is totally diggin you, but be sure to stretch first. Gotta be kind to those knees, dawg.
Emma Stone was the most paranoid person I had ever met. In private she wore a full suit of medieval armor at all times, visor down.
Welcome to Gamer Hell, where those who committed sins in online games must pay for their crimes against noobs for eternity.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.