This article is part of the Roamin' Dad series.
HELLO!!!!!!! This is your dad with a new haircut (Classy look) and a new outlook on life and a new apartment and i am ready to begin a new life!! It has been a while since I’ve had roommates that weren’t kids but let me tell you this story: on my first time using the computer i stayed up all night and your mother found me the next morning asleep in the chair and the screen had a thing called AcneExtreme on it and there was a Swedish guy popping tons of zits and laughing at me through the computer. I don’t know how that web site showed up but it goes to show that I have an open mind. I tell you this because I am currently subletting an apartment from a big wheelchair lesbian named Barb.
The room I am renting is pretty small and has its problems but the price is right!! It also smells strongly of Mesquite Flavor because these ladies loved venison jerky and made a lot of it in here. And before it was a jerky-making room it was a panic room, but it can still work as a panic room if we need it, or as a jerky room.
I am ok with Barb and her lover who never talks but The way I know they are doing the scissor is because their little dog barks at them when they do it and I hear that for a very long time. Yes I know how this works!!!!! There is also a lot of huffing and noises like a heavy thing falling on the floor when they move her from the wheelchair to the bed. it sounds like a big thud and then a grumpy pick up of the lady. one of the first nights this happened I let out a big cough and they put on Born To Run really loud but good try ladies, I still heard the dog barking at you, and it sounds like Barb keeps falling onto the floor during it
One night I asked Barb how she got into the wheelchair and she said she was at a cool party and some guy got mad that he wasn’t invited to the secret party so he drove his truck directly onto the campfire and then she started shaking her head which didn’t explain anything but it was an exciting story because it had it all. Trucks, fire, etc. She began to talk about someone coming over to the house in the dead of night and yelling and hurling her lawn furniture up onto her roof but i was more interested in the fact that there is also a small cat cage / cat chamber on the back of her wheelchair below the seat but there are no pets in it currently. I guess she attached it if she ever needs to have a pet nearby at all times (smart) and someone from a different family buried her tax info and she got in trouble or something but again i wasn’t listening at that time (Pet thoughts)
Barb shops only at a druid store partly because its downstairs from the apartment and partly because she likes dried out green beans and old bags of greek food and the guy in charge talks like a gurgling toilet and sells us a Blessed Food crystal with every purchase. I don’t usually care for that kind of food but whatever works!!!!! TAKE CARE!!!!!!!!!! DAD
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
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