This article is part of the Rustlr.com series.

Latest Status Updates

Tall James McGinley is now listed as lonesome.
5 minutes ago. 5 Comments
Doc Beauzerau hahahahahaha
Father Gerald serves you right, you no good sinner!!!
Tiny Madison aw heck! Sorry Tall. Least the party was somethin to reflect back on, if ya remember any of it.
Hoagy Calhoun Damn! never saw that one comin'.
Cowboy Charlie if you and Ellie are callin' it quits, I wouldn't mind takin' a run at her. With yer blessing, mind you.
Gray Clay Bailey is kickin' himself something fierce. Finally pick out the perfect outfit for an evenin on the town and everybody is passed out stupid.
35 minutes ago. 0 Comments
Tex Crawford is lettin' you all know that I dropped McGinley off with his lady. Boy did she go pale when I told her all about the fun we had! Bet she didn't know her man had it in him!
1 hour ago. 6 Comments
The Outlaw Johnny Hunt you best tell me you left out all the juicy parts, or I'll have to deposit some lead in that big dumb vault of a skull ya got.
Rutherford Griffith you dumb son of an ape!!
Bad James Randall Tex, you just shoved yer friend right off the gallows of the human heart.
Tex Crawford Uhhh... Heck.
Big Henry Haskell Not even the Pinkertons could sniff out where you misplaced your common sense, Tex.
Rapid City Russ dang! not even i'm that dumb, and i somehow shot my foot last night. don't even recollect how!
Cowboy Charlie Somebody gonna take care of McGinley? His horse is too drunk to carry him home, and he ain't seein' light fer a good while himself.
3 hours ago. 0 Comments
Bronco Bob dang, after McGinley got done with 'em, I don't think there's a whore left in town that's right near operational.
3 hours ago. 0 Comments
Blackboots McCoy twenty big ones says McGinley never wakes up again!!
4 hours ago. 1 Comment
Green Chaps McGee Oh he'll wake up. He'll wish he hadn't, and that's the Lord's truth.
Sooty Stan Welp, Sweet Gulch is a-burnin'! Let's all meet up at Bull's Head for more whisky.
5 hours ago. 0 Comments
Cowboy Bradley How the heck did McGinley end up in the chandelier without his trousers?
6 hours ago. 0 Comments
Doc Beauzerau hahahaha mcginley's so shitfaced he just gouged out a whore's eye with his spurs. if only caligula were alive to see this.
7 hours ago. 2 Comments
Slimy Morgan DAMNIT DOC TEND TO HER EYE
Doc Beauzerau jesus, can't I have one goddamn night off without you fussin' up my butthole about somethin?
Yodelin' Red Paskiewicz Big Red is back in the saddle, boys!!!
8 hours ago. 0 Comments
Wenatchee Kid holy heck, ol Red Paskiewicz just yodeled the bloomers off a lady.
8 hours ago. 0 Comments
Mad Bill Boothe I do believe there ain't a teat in all of Pacos that McGinley hasn't licked tonight.
9 hours ago. 0 Comments
The Outlaw Johnny Hunt THIS PARTY'S JUST WARMING UP BOYS! No jail's gonna keep this outlaw from attending to a bachelor party.
10 hours ago. 0 Comments
Wild Ron JUMPIN' JUNIPER! Johnny Hunt just rode in guns a-blazin'!
10 hours ago. 0 Comments
Mad Bill Boothe Hey everybody, the No. 3 Saloon is burnin down right now on account of our transgressions. Movin the party to Sweet Gulch across the thoroughfare.
12 hours ago. 0 Comments
Tallahassee Parcy seen a terrible thing. Seen a man in congress with a donkey while other men cheered him on. Ashamed to say I was party amongst them that was cheerin'. Gotta get right with that.
14 hours ago. 0 Comments
Buford Bronson joined the group Let's See If This Cactus Can Get More Followers Than Custer.
15 hours ago. 0 Comments
Doc Beauzerau hahaha oh man those whores are gonna be pissin' hellfire for weeks after the stunt mcginley just pulled.
16 hours ago. 1 Comment
Slimy Morgan doc! have some goddang sympathy. them whores is my kin.
John Red Eagle on behalf of my tribal brothers and the spirits of my ancestors... LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED.
17 hours ago. 2 Comments
Cincinnati Pete Much obliged, Red Eagle! Did ya bring yer injun drum? Would love to hear some music from ya.
John Red Eagle No, I didn't bring my "injun drum," Pete. I do not own an "injun drum," whatever that is.
Vaquero Esquerra, Rapid City Russ, Yodelin' Red Paskiewicz, Doc Beauzerau and 37 other pardners are attending MCGINLEY'S LAST RITES BACHELOR PARTY.
Tall James McGinley is engaged to Ellie Beauchamp.
18 hours ago. 5 Comments
Sooty Stan woo! Wooooooo! Yer lonesome days is hightailin' it fer sure, Tall!
Slimy Morgan awfully happy for you, Tall. Glad to hear you think she's the one. Can't imagine a fairer lady in all the world.
Father Gerald Congratulations, my son! I am pleased to see you doing the honorable thing.
Vaquero Esquerra two words mis amigos: bachelor party tonight!!!!
Rapid City Russ you can count me in for sure, Esquerra!!


– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

About this series

The #1 site on the ol' dusty information supertrail to sit a spell and connect with your posse.

Other articles in this series

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.