Note: this is a continuation of yesterday's update, which I recommend you read first if you have not done so already. Please do not read part 2 before part 1 because that's just madness. Pure, mind-shattering madness.
Thanks to David Thorpe for co-writing this update with me.
For a complete listing of changes and additions to this year's phonebooks, please click here.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.