Just Another Slacker Sunday
Today's Sunday update is brought to you by, well, nobody, since Ben "Greasnin" Platt is apparently never updating any time anymore ever! Wow! I know somebody who's not getting a Christmas card this year. We run a real professional racket here at Something Awful. We're like a well oiled machine full of sawdust and semen.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.