Breaker breaker, good buddy. Is anyone out there?
Roger, good buddy. I am driving a truck.
Ten-four. I'm seated in a truck as well. I am pushing the pedals with my feet and moving the steering wheel around with my hands and arms. Can you confirm that we are talking to one another through the use of some sort of... radio transmitting and receiving system? I pressed a button on this scary looking thing on my dashboard and started talking and now you're talking. I'd like to make sure that I didn't push a self-destruct button.
Affirmative. I'm using a very scary device as well. I can hear your voice through this thing and when I talk my own voice is going into the mechanical box and coming out on your end somehow.
Trucks, this is military fighter pilot Risky Danger. I am in a billion dollar jet that is flying in the sky at like a million miles per hour. This thing is flying so fast that it is going directly through clouds without crashing. Did I hear you correctly? Did you say that we are able to talk to one another even though we can't even see each other?
Risky Danger, that's a big ten-four good buddy. I have been weeping in disbelief at this manifestation of chaotic beauty that is mankind's progress.
Copy. When you confirmed that we were indeed communicating with one another beyond shouting distance through the use of invisible waves of talking energy, I fired off three missiles in celebration.
All vessels, this is the U.S.S. Water Boat. This vessel floats in the ocean and is enormous. It's like the size of two elephants at least. And I'm talking about some fat elephants here. Am I on some sort of hidden camera show? Are you hiding under my instrumentation panels? Or are you actually very far away and projecting your voices with science, as you have claimed?
I'm not sure how this is working, Water Boat, but we are not hiding under your instrumentation. This is actually happening. Over.
I let go of the radio's transmit button and honked the boat's horn. Did any of you fellas hear that? If you did, you're actually close by. Maybe you're close enough for us all to overhear one another without this supposed miracle technology.
Negative. No horn was heard up here, only the sound of my machine guns firing in celebration.
Well I'll be damned. You're telling the truth. This is incredible, I need to get ahold of my commanding officer and advise him that we should go to war immediately.
Water Boat, this is a trucker. I am here in a truck that is driving down a road, and there is cargo in the back of my truck. On behalf of all truckers and all their cargo, I'd like to state that war is badass. Godspeed.
Houston, this is Space Astronaut aboard the Space Vehicle. Have I succumbed to space madness or are you guys actually communicating with some sort of radio... wave... frequency thing?
Ahoy, Space Astronaut. I can hardly believe it myself, but this is an actual scenario that is not a drill. Repeat - this is not a drill.
I have mixed emotions right now. Outside this tiny window I can see the blue marble of the Earth, an idyllic home in the vast expanse of space. You are somewhere down there talking and I am hearing it. This amazes me and also instills a sense of sadness, because there is no longer any point to exploring and researching up here. All of these years of work, all of my dreams are for naught. There is no advancement that can top this. Over.
Space Astronaut, this is a trucker. I have a lot of tires on my vehicle. At least sixteen, maybe more. Do you have a horn on that Space Craft?
Master is troll wizard, so's if he get angry he might cast spell up on my self and bite off my whole head in one chomp.
It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.
Kirk Cameron destroys the internet with his rage and jacks it to boats, hallelujah!
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
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