@KenJennings - This infinite-time Jeopardy! champ isn't just beauty-- he's got the brains for jokes, too!
@jakefogelnest - Radio, TV, and podcast hero, not to mention level 69 music and pop culture wizard.
@BESTPORNCOMMENT - An ongoing collection of comments posted on porn videos. No more watching all those icky nude bodies to get to the good stuff.
@TriciaLockwood - Some of the sharpest wit you can find on a computer. And poetry, too!
@ChuckGrassley - Regardless of your politics, it's pretty enjoyable how completely inept Senator Chuck Grassley of Iowa is at Twitter.
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
If you still have any difficulty transitioning to chip readers, please refer to the FAQ compiled from average user reactions.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.