As I'm sure you learned in this article, YouTube vlogstress Fluttershy and I have quite a history. She has a beautiful soul (this is a liberal way of saying "she is very fat and smiles a lot to make up for it,") and I am drawn to free spirits like her. When staff writer and SA Forums admin DocEvil set up a contest on the forums asking for people to respond to YouTube videos, I knew what I had to do. After scraping up enough cash for a webcam and a Philly cheese pizza from Domino's, I posted a response to her wonderful "I Am The Fat Girl" poem and awaited something in response from the lovely lady. (Piss poor sound quality; get your tin ear ready.)
Her response never came. I can only assume this is because, like my old uncle Ben used to say, with great obesity comes great immobility. Whatever the case, I came across vlogger piperben66, a musician, shortly after I uploaded my poem. Ben, it turned out, was e-dating Fluttershy and was none too happy that I wrote a poem to his bovine baby. Being a musician myself I decided to send him a vlog in the universal language (not snorting and rubbing one's nose on the ground in search of truffles, the other one) to raise his spirits and bury the hatchet.
A few weeks passed when I got some good news! After talking online for a few months and knowing each other in real life a full five days, the happy couple decided to get married! As the old saying goes, however, this meringue-filled cloud did have its Slim Fast lining and my friend was in danger because of it. I rushed a response to piperben66, hoping above hope that my words would reach him in time.
The singer dove off the stage and crowd surfed in a sort of reverse funeral procession where the person being carried is the only one truly alive. Touching him I felt religious ecstasy and started speaking in tongues and requesting songs that didn't exist.
There's no easy way to put this, so I'll tell it like it is. Bouillon is died. He went missing before the weekend and yesterday I found his skeletonized remains at the bottom of the #3 soup vat during one of my swims. I thought the cream of mushroom soup had an especially nourishing taste, and a lot more clumps of fur and skin than usual.
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