Forget Google Glass, Oculus Rift, or any of that tech garbage. The early adopters are already jumping on the shorts trend. While the rest of us are still wearing winter clothes like idiot luddites, these visionaries are running around on half the pants previously thought possible.
The Out Of Season Shorts Wear isn't new, but it's finally on the verge of becoming the next big thing. Ten years ago, if you saw someone wearing shorts in the cold, you'd probably guess it was Kevin Smith. And you'd be right. But now things are different. Spring is coming out of beta.
It doesn't matter that it's still forty degrees out, innovation is here and it's in the form of two gross twigs sticking out a pair of khakis. If the sun catches these pasty legs just right, the reflection can blind you for a minute. Don't worry, it's not God, no, it's just a vision of the future. You'll stumble back in your scarf and hat in pure amazement. How, you'll wonder, can this guy wear shorts in this weather? Is he an idiot or just paralyzed from his elastic waistband down? Well, don't let their shivering misery fool you, these boys know what's up! Being cold as fuck is trending!
These prophets don't get dressed for comfort or fashion. Every day they decide what to wear out of belief. If it's spring time, then dammit, they'll wear clothes for spring time. No forecasts, no common sense. They follow their heart and they got just the cargo pants to prove it.
Sure, you'll wear shorts once it's warm and actually enjoyable, but you'll never fit in. You'll never ride the wave, able to see what development is coming in the world. They'll laugh and condescend, already onto the next version. "Oh," they'll say looking at you from their Shorts 6s. "I didn't know they still made them like that." And you'll know right then and there that they aren't underdressed, they're just prepping for a future better than you could ever imagine. And, unless you're willing to break through and show those knees as it sleets, then you'll never be on the front lines of a revolution.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
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