But still, the dread pirate Hambone the Gristly sat restless upon his handsome chair. His men were complacent and lazy; his enemies, fearless and cholesterol-free. It was simply unacceptable.
He grunted and roared and ordered his trustiest captains to begin to prepare his men for war. A great war. The greatest war. A war which would bring he, the dread pirate Hambone, much renown and tribute and truffles.
From deep beneath the watery depths...
...an infernal army arose.
The ships were crewed by conscripts from the watery underworld.
Creatures so terrible that even the sharks dared not approach them.
With their leader at the helm, the vast and evil horde of Hambone mustered...
...and took to the skies, in search of mischief wherever the winds might take them.
Are we not allowed to be real parents anymore? We may have feared the CyborFreaks, but we damn well respected them and learned about boundaries.
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
Second Life Safari highlights a magical and mystical adventure through the bowels of the Internet. We take a look behind the scenes of "Second Life," and present to you the things all other media outlets are too embarrassed to show. Social networking hits another new low, and can only be seen in Second Life Safari.