But still, the dread pirate Hambone the Gristly sat restless upon his handsome chair. His men were complacent and lazy; his enemies, fearless and cholesterol-free. It was simply unacceptable.
He grunted and roared and ordered his trustiest captains to begin to prepare his men for war. A great war. The greatest war. A war which would bring he, the dread pirate Hambone, much renown and tribute and truffles.
From deep beneath the watery depths...
...an infernal army arose.
The ships were crewed by conscripts from the watery underworld.
Creatures so terrible that even the sharks dared not approach them.
With their leader at the helm, the vast and evil horde of Hambone mustered...
...and took to the skies, in search of mischief wherever the winds might take them.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Youtube user HolkHogan420 has been systematically exposing all of the Illuminati's plans.
Second Life Safari highlights a magical and mystical adventure through the bowels of the Internet. We take a look behind the scenes of "Second Life," and present to you the things all other media outlets are too embarrassed to show. Social networking hits another new low, and can only be seen in Second Life Safari.