Games aren't just for kids any more! Once upon a time video games were beeps and boops, but now they are very realistic. Move over Mario - Shadow Sonic is in town, and he's got guns. You might say gaming has grown up.

After inserting quarters and getting swollen joystick thumbs for years, have video game junkies learned anything of value? As a matter of fact, they have!

Lesson #1: Don't let the ghosts touch you

Lesson #2: Don't walk into lava

Lesson #3: Don't leave the area

Lesson #4: Some people are named Bill - it can't be helped

Lesson #5: Climb into the mass grave

Lesson #6: Items labeled Trash can be sold to any vendor

Lesson #7: Kiss your loved ones


Drawn to Death
If the goal was to be more forced, annoying, and hideous than Bad Day LA, the result is a tremendous success. 2/10

Persona 5
There are already so many fantastic, lengthy new games that I can't get around to all of them, so I'm deducting a point. 9/10

Yooka-Laylee
It's fine, even if every environment texture looks like spraypainted broccoli. 5/10

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell (@DennisFarrell)

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