2000 Awful Awards!

Awful Awards!

No, not the Golden Globes. Disheveled and bleary-eyed after an all-night tequila binge with his parents, Lowtax has sobered up and posted the first (and probably last) installment of the 2000 Awful Awards, where he takes a look at the best and worst games of the year. Here's some things he learned from one of his top picks, No One Lives Forever:

• Jason Hall used up all of his "suckiness" quota with all previous Lithtech games and was forced to actually create an enjoyable game with this title. Luckily, the upcoming Tex Atomic's Super Nuclear Underwater Cyborg Gyroscope Football Arena Tournament Battle Robot Ultra Hair Salon looks to pick up where the previous crappiness left off.
• Enemy organizations spend billions of dollars hiring henchmen but not a single dime towards creating distinctive uniforms for their soldiers.
• The key to being the world's greatest spy involves wearing lots of skintight neon clothing which is somehow able to reflect bullets yet blend in to the shadows. Technical skills include both being able to hold a gun and open doors.

Which games did Lowtax love? Which did he hate? Boxers or briefs? (Hint: none of the above.) All this and more can be found in the 2000 Awful Awards.

Wonder Dog Strikes Again

Taco The Wonder Dog has been hard at work banging his genetically altered paws against that synthesizer keyboard lately, and has composed a new MP3 for all to enjoy! (Enjoyment not guaranteed.) It's entitled Deus Ex Machina, or maybe Deu Sex Machina, I can't really tell from the filename. In any event, I would assume that it has something to do with Deus Ex, although I have been known to be wrong before. Enjoy!

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@TwitterHasBannedAllMyAccountsEver)