Pokemon Go combines our national pastime of compulsively staring at phones with our national pastime of compulsively engaging with franchises while posting about it on Twitter.
Go is pretty much a normal Pokemon game, but it uses your device’s actual location. This means you need to walk around in the real world like some kind of athlete to discover new battles and gyms. Once you find a Pokemon on the Google Maps-ish map, you hold your phone’s camera up and see the little bastard projected onto reality.
The game’s a lot of fun, as the series has always been. It’s also insanely popular. Millions of people are wandering around paying more attention to the Pokemon on their phones than their surroundings. You can see how this would be dangerous. I am the very first person in the world to suggest that this blending of reality and fantasy in Pokemon Go will lead to disaster.
In the coming days there will be all sorts of injuries stemming from the game, and possibly a few deaths. These are my predictions for the first wave of tragic casualties.
BLACK LIVES MATTER!!! NOOOOOOO!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU HAVE CREATED A MONSTER, AN ABSOLUTE MONSTER!
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