Of Hot Dogs, Wedges, and Freedom with Tom "Moof" Davies

Livestock: mof do you ever go to jerome, az
Moof: nope
Moof: never
Moof: why
Moof: honestly livestock i rarely go that side of the I-17
Livestock: moof do you want to quit your job and move to jerome, az with me to open a hot dog stand
Moof: yes please
Moof: please please please
Livestock: okay i'll buy the hotdogs, you get the stand
Moof: ok i am on it!!
Livestock: moof you will push the hot dog stand all down the day
Livestock: moof i think i will invest in a wedge
Livestock: do you know why
Moof: why
Moof: to keep doors open??
Livestock: because when you buy us our hot dog cart i will want to make sure it does not roll down the side of the mountain. jerome is famous for its slopes.
Livestock: a well placed wedge will keep the cart stationary even on a slope
Moof: that is very true
Moof: which model of hot dog cart should we get
Moof: i was thinking the chicago
Livestock: moof i would not want to settle for anything less than professional
Moof: that is expensive :(
Livestock: the people of jerome, az won't think highly of a bunch of buffoons with a mere chicago style hot dog cart.
Livestock: it will pay for itself in customer satisfaction
Moof: hmm maybe
Livestock: and each day after you pull the cart up the road, we can ride it down at night
Moof: hmm jerome, az


Moof: please do not give up on our hot dog and bee business
Livestock: where do the bees come in??
Moof: free bee with each hot dog??
Livestock: moof that is absurd
Moof: is not
Livestock: how about beehives and we offer honey dogs
Moof: ok
Livestock: moof maybe we could just sell hot dog stands from a lot in jerome, az???
Moof: yes okay okay yes yes yes
Livestock: and if the government tries to meddle in our affairs
Livestock: we will have the high ground
Livestock: we will sell guns on the side
Livestock: and store them in the hot dog carts
Moof: yes :)
Livestock: and if those jack booted thugs ever try to stop us, we'll fight them off while eating hot dogs
Moof: yes :)
Livestock: we will be unstoppable
Livestock: and then
Livestock: when all is lost and it seems as though we won't survive the night
Livestock: we will release the bees
Moof: yes :)
Moof: it will be like the end of SERENITY
Livestock: moof we will roll the hot dog carts down the mountain, with bombs inside
Livestock: we will achieve this plan through one simple action: removing the wedges i bought
Moof: those wedges are a godsend :)
Livestock: a wedge can divide men and fuel fires, but it can also give strength and stability if placed just right.
Livestock: it is our understanding of the nature of the wedge that will give us strength over our enemies
Moof: yes :)
Moof: it is thinner at one end than at the other
Moof: that is the concept of the wedge
Livestock: this is true
Livestock: physics come into play as well
Moof: sometimes...
Livestock: moof and after we survive jerome maybe we can just go into business making wedges
Moof: it is a growing market
Moof: the bigger the wedge the thicker you can make it
Livestock: the question is, are we making wedges to divide, or to unite
Livestock: and the answer is: that is not for us to say
Livestock: it is for the customer
Moof: we are making them for stability
Livestock: certainly but if a customer were to purchase one of our wedges (for example a size 40 oak "Fire Breather" wedge, retail price $79.99), they could use it to divide if they so choose.
Moof: yes correct
Moof: i do not want the government to control wedges as they do with firearms
Moof: that is my concern
Moof: that is why we must market them as stabilizers and bringers of joy
Livestock: we will for now
Livestock: but a well placed wink will let our customers know that we are not there to enforce proper wedge usage
Moof: yes exactly
Moof: americans have the right to choose
Livestock: i think we will corner the wedge market
Moof: i believe in the right to wedge choice
Moof: that would make a good slogan since wedges are sort of like corners
Livestock: you can place a wedge in a corner to eliminate corners as well
Moof: we are not educated
Moof: that is why we must turn to a trade
Moof: not a science
Livestock: we are not merely traders, we are driving a wedge into life itself
Moof: yes :(
Moof: we are dividers
Moof: livestock i dont want a wedge ever to come between us
Livestock: we will not allow that
Livestock: some people will try to buy our wedges and use them as ramps to get to higher ground
Moof: we cant let that happen
Livestock: that is the wedgemaker's worst nightmare
Moof: yes

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)

More Mooflogs

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful