Baby Beautiful, submitted by me.Don't you hate how everyone's head looks like a cross between a circus peanut and an eggplant? Well thanks to Justine Dobson's book "Baby Beautiful: A Handbook and Baby Headshaping", we can cure ugly head syndrom before it starts. Few people know that a babies skull is soft, and can be molded with the right amount of pressure and time. This was discovered after painstaking research into the matter, giving babies flat heads, horns, ripples, and even a baby head diorama of the Normandy D-Day landings. Unfortunately some babies "failed" the tests when the doctors applied too much pressure to the head and spinal area. One of the doctors working on these studies alluded to the fact that "Balancing Spinal Cord Twist" had caused the failures, and that there was still some bugs to be worked out. The parents of the maimed babies were given a condolence card with Applebees gift certificate.Balancing Spinal Cord Twist
Naturally excited to try out this fantastic new medical find, I purchased "Baby Beautiful", and tried it out on my newborn nephew while babysitting.
I FUCKED UP!
Sweet Jesus! This is harder than it looks. Don't let my mishap deter you from buying this book, it was probably my fault. Ok folks, I have to get busy trying to fix this baby head before my sister gets home. Oh man, this is wack.
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
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