Come See Me Tonight

Gummi Bear's not here man.Game Concept: Ryoichi is a high school senior who comes home one day to find his house cleaned out and his stuff boxed up with a note from his dad saying "have a good life". He also leaves a fat envelope of cash for his son, but instead of striking out on his own in a very American journey of self-discovery and potential self-destruction, Ryoichi immediately drops his plans for college and independent life and moves in with his hot aunt Chidori. Chidori runs a restaurant called TOKI, which I assume is in all capital letters because it's an acronym of some sort. Also dwelling within the restaurant/house are Chidori's three daughters and a chef-in-training named Hina. Once Ryoichi is settled in Chidori explains that he will be working in the kitchen and must marry one of her daughters to take over the restaurant. Being a spineless fuck, Ryoichi pretty much agrees to this course of action with a little bit of complaining and way too much acceptance.

You are introduced to the daughters and most of the rest of the cast in rapid fire succession, getting little more than gay flirtation with each and a cheap appraisal from Ryoichi. Most of them seem okay at first, except for Misago who does this weird squinty thing when showing concern that leads me to believe she's a serious dope fiend. Rule number one in hentai games; you can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug or some purple haired whore with tits the size of weather balloons might carve a "Z" into your forehead.

I understand that the Japanese have a different culture from Americans - believe me - I just find it hard to believe that even in Japan they think it's cool to give up on going to college to move in with your aunt and toil endlessly chopping vegetables. The character, and by extension the player, endure torment in the kitchen at TOKI courtesy of head chef Mr. Murase and Chidori's screaming and violent daughter Tsugumi. When Gummi Bear isn't hitting you in the head with ladles or pots then Mr. Murase is calling you "dumb ass!" and kicking you in the ass with those crazy wooden shoes Heihatchi wears in Tekken. To help offset the rising anger all the abuse causes the player the game calms you down with hours of vegetable cutting. But before we get into that whole realm of excitement, let me introduce you to the cast of characters that Ryoichi has to deal with.

Chidori
Ryoichi's Take: I, on the other hand, see her simply as my aunt. Nothing more.
My Take: Yeah, I bet Ryoichi. Despite the familial ties between Ryoichi and Chidori, she is still probably the best bachelorette of the lot if only because she has something to bring to the table besides being an annoying cunt.
Pros:

Owns a restaurant
Is sometimes nice

Cons:

Is Ryoici's aunt
Is probably almost twice his age
Has mysterious lavender hair
Seems like she might be fucking the head chef

Misago
Ryoichi's Take: Misago likes cute stuff and has a baby face. Because of that, she looks younger than me and stimulates my male hood.
My Take: Personally I think she looks like she's in a committed relationship with Mary Jane if you know what I mean. Also, Ryoichi, what the fuck is a "male hood"? Is that some new piece of FUBU gear I missed the memo on?
Pros:

Will probably give you a contact buzz
Knows how to cut vegetables like a motherfucker

Cons:

Those red and squinty eyes make me nervous when we're around cops
Seems like she might be skimming the register for drug money
A little TOO good at cutting those vegetables

Gummi Bear
Ryoichi's Take: Tsugumi, on the other hand, will be the owner of the restaurant. It's a logical choice to choose her as a mate, but…she's angry at me for some reason.
My Take: Gummi Bear is the biggest fucking bitch ever. I longed for a violent rape scene in this game just so that stupid ass would finally get her comeuppance. Instead I get banged on the head with a pot repeatedly and insulted. Fuck that thing.
Pros:

Has the biggest breasts of any of them, if that's your thing

Cons:

Is an earthly incarnation of the hate god
Bad taste in traditional Japanese frocks
Isn't lying dead in a meteor crater

Kobato
Ryoichi's Take: Kobato is coquettish and lovely like a doll…and she has a great body, too.
My Take: Hey Ryoichi, I hate to call your taste in women into question but she looks like a precious moments figurine with a concave chest. A great body?! Are you from some planet where the ability to hold twelve ounces of water in the indentation in your chest is considered an attractive quality in a woman? She looks fucking eight years old dude, get a grip!
Pros:

Likes to play poker
Seems like she wouldn't have bad BO

Cons:

Actually does have bad BO
Constantly shrieking for Ryoichi to play games, which makes me nervous that he's going to have sex with her
Eight year olds dude

Hina
Ryoichi's Take: Chidori doesn't count Hina as a candidate because Hina isn't her daughter. But I can't get rid of thinking about her tits…
My Take: Good man Ryoichi, I think you've got your eyes on a winner here. Even though she has hair reminiscent of broccoli and a tendency to get upset at the slightest thing that would make a Southern Belle jealous I'd have to say she is my number one choice for Ryoichi's future. I mean my number one choice would be for him to get the fuck out of there and stop taking all the crap and be a man, but the creators of "Come See Me Tonight" don't view that as a valid option.
Pros:

Is not genetically related to Ryoichi at all
Never beats Ryoichi and is generally nice

Cons:

The hair is pretty convincing evidence that one of her parents was at least half plant based
Might faint at the wrong moment and cause a car crash
Seems about as smart and self-actualized as a stonefly larva

Mr. Murase
Ryoichi's Take: Mr. Murase is a strict man, but when he needs our help he honestly asks for it.
My Take: You fucking whimpering pussy! Mr. Murase is an asshole extraordinaire who spends the better part of the game with his wooden shoe up your retarded ass. I believe "respect thy elder" as much as the next guy but when you can't sit down because this bastard is doing slightly disturbing things to you every day I think it's time to pick up a cast iron skillet and drive his septum through his forebrain with a nice haymaker to the face.
Pros:

Knows how to cook
If you're with him and accosted in a dark alley he will probably scare the robbers off by shoving shoes up their asses

Cons:

Physically and mentally abusive
Headbands are sooooo 1986
Probably has bathroom problems given his apparent ass fetish

Everywhere you go, there you are!Once you have met the cast of characters in "Come See Me Tonight" and you have just gotten into the groove of being beaten and called names repeatedly the game throws you a curve ball and turns into a vegetable chopping simulation. One play through of this title took me about three and a half hours, a very long game by Hentai standards, and fully an hour of this time was devoted to either cutting vegetables or washing dishes. As I mentioned in the prelude to this review it's not just practicing cutting vegetables - which would certainly be boring enough for even the most discerning connoisseur of boredom - it's reading about cutting vegetables for an hour while you stare at an empty kitchen.

Eventually you get the chance to woo the ladies in "Come See Me Tonight", although this takes place fairly indirectly. I put every effort into seducing Hina, as I saw her as the only friendly character in the game and also the only one other than Mr. Motherfucker who wasn't genetically related to Ryoichi. I tried so hard, and came so far, but in the end it didn't really matter and I ended up shacking up with Chidori. Once the sex starts in the game things pick up considerably, and I have to give credit where credit is due. The game features no rapes, and once you've picked a character (intentionally or not) that Ryoichi is going to pursue the action is fast paced and repeated. In a sort of pavlovian deal it also replaces all the tedium of vegetable chopping and dish washing with hardcore sex, which makes you appreciate the transition about ten times as much.

Difficulty: "Come See Me Tonight" is one of the harder hentai games I've played. It eschews the dreaded "Look and Think" interface in favor of occasionally interrupting the endless flow of descriptive text and dialogue with a multiple choice question. The problem is that you rarely have even a clue as to what effect your action will have on the course of the game, which is just frustrating when you're trapped in a pit of potential incest and trying desperately to prevent your cock from ending up in a kissin' cousin. The game is also very long and the entire first half of the game is some of the most boring fucking Hentai bullshit I have ever been subjected too. Admittedly my eyes glazed over repeatedly during this portion and I just clicked through dialogue rapid-fire, which did little to nothing to ease my growing headache.

I like my women like I like my showers; hot, wet, and latino! Wait...Defining Moment: It's definitely a tie between the first time Mr. Motherfucker sticks his wooden shoe up your ass or the first time Gummi Bear decides to teach you some hardcore vegetable chopping while screaming at you. Neither of these are particularly pleasant defining moments, which pretty much sums up the grueling first half or two-thirds of the game.

Final Thoughts: "Come See Me Tonight" actually comes fairly close to being an enjoyable hentai game. I would never say "good" because the gameplay and writing is so poor on most of these that they'll never amount to much of anything. But where the game fails it fails monumentally. The first two or three hours of the game are mind-numbingly boring with very little interruption from the stupid chores of working in a restaurant kitchen. News flash hentai developers: If I wanted to work in a kitchen and have shoes stuck up my ass I would get paid to be a fry cook at a diner in Boy's Town here in Chicago. If they cut the first part of the game down to about twenty minutes or so and completely removed most of the abuse I would find "Come See Me Tonight" much more tolerable. Further remove the seemingly underage character and the undercurrent of incest and you've got a game I would give to my kids. Well, okay, not my kids, but at least I wouldn't be having nightmares for weeks about chopping vegetables with a chunk of Nike Jordan Wooden Sandal sticking out of my bruised anus.