Princess Peach is my anti-friend.
"Hey guys, Sam Raimi's guy just emailed me and said he was going to make my fanfic into a movie!!" I know this post right here alone could fill your quota of painfully sad things to read for like an entire month, but please stay with me. We have a ways to go.
I used to dream about Muzzy, that language teaching sasquatch thing, even though I never owned the tapes. "Booooonjooour... je suis... la jeune fille...." We never got it on, though.
Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no
You can't kill what's already dead, just like you can't ask to get fat what's already going swimming with its shirt on.
Please consider updating your plan to include Trickle Down Antibiotics, the Millennial Meltdown, and other new options.
The most beautiful woman on all of Facebook is no longer just enchanting your Facebook feed. She's here, y'all!
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