Hi there, it's me. Joseph "Maxnmona" Fink here. So after a little over three years writing for this site I've decided to quit for a variety of reasons. For one thing, I've been spending most of my time tending to my muscled body and my perfectly tousled hair. Actually that's the only reason. My teeth are like a military cemetery.
Mr. Leopard called anywhere he lived his lair, because the alliterative power of the name tended to intimidate his enemies before they even had a chance to see his muscles or his leopard print ExoBikini with its deadly KittyKlaw rockets.
Once upon a time I was a secret agent. You know the type. My cars had more skills than you do. My hair was nearly bulletproof. Now I'm an old man with more back problems than karate techniques. I don't know if you've ever seen a tall man wearing only feline make-up and leopard underpants vivisected on a public bathroom floor, but I have.
Mr. Bush, Our President, must (by Law) now step down from the post he has bravely held since 2002. Mr. President, I speak for all Americans when I say "Damn fine job, Sir."
You chose to tackle an idealized version of vampire love, a subject which can only strike me as threatening when you yourself are married to a vampire. How am I, a father of two and a civil servant of the night, to compete with some story book fantasy of what vampire love should be?