ET Corn Gods, submitted by my magic taco.Ladies and gentlemen, this is the the first ever for sure contact with ET's! Unfortunately, their language blows! I've been looking at this site all day long and still can't figure it out. Maybe I'm just retarded, or dropped too much acid in art school, but it's really giving me a headache trying to figure this out so I can find secret Corn God messages on the back of cereal boxes. Let's see if you fare better.

Rule 1: Alphabet to Numbers. Letters have numbers, to fit their position in the English Alphabet. The numbers and letters may be interchanged. Demon = De 13 on Therefore: Demon = "Deacon

Rule 2: Letter O and the Number 0 (Zero). The number 0 (equals the letter O) may be added or taken away from any position in any letter/number sequence. Therefore: God = “Good” Numbers 2 and 20 may be expressed as B or T. Therefore: 20 = “T” = “B0” = “TO” = “B” = “2”.

Rule 3: Roman Numerals/Arabic Numbers. Roman Numerals may be exchanged for their Arabic Number equivalent. From Adam and Eve: Eve = 5 ve. 5 = 500 = Lo. (Added 00 to 5. 50 = Roman Numeral L and number 0 = letter O.) Therefore: Eve = “Love” Now try “Discovery”: D is 4. Y is 25, C is Roman Numeral 100. Discovery = D is C over Y Therefore: Discovery = “4 is 100/25”.

George R. Simpson has spent most of the last eleven years making up the ET Corn Gods game, and seems very well-versed in code, yet just not a fun pastime for mathematicians.

Question: Is there anything special about the fact that the ET Corn Gods Language is being introduced now?

Answer: Yes! This year is 2000 years after the birth of Christ. The ET Corn Gods Language is in fact, the Second Coming of Christ.

Well at least he's modest. So go ahead and try the ET Corn God's language. I fear that soon you will be babbling senselessly and crying in the shower. It's my gift to you.

• FGACEBOOK STOLE ALL MY PERSONALL DATA!!! AND YOUR'S TOO!!!! BOYGOT FACEBO

TEH SOCIAL MEDIA FASTBOOK STOLE MY DATA. SOLD IT TOO A HOG CON GAME. WHERED MY DATA GO??>? WHO TEH HELL KNOWS! IM IN DIGITAL HELL

• My Warhammer Novel Pitch

Games Workshop is looking for samples from aspiring Warhammer authors. Since my biggest dream in life is to have a book published, I put together this submission. Fingers crossed!