Aerosol Operation Crimes & Cover-Up, submitted by Coast to Coast AM. This is a very special week here at Something Awful. We will be bringing you seven days of absolute lunacy, courtesy of the various nutjob guests who have at one point or another appeared on the late night radio show "Coast to Coast AM." Those of you who are familiar with the show know that means that this week will feature some of the most nonsensical gibberish ever produced by mankind. With that in mind, let's get started!

A cursory glance at this site doesn't raise more than an eyebrow. Sure, it's a little odd that a site that calls itself "COMPUTER SOLUTIONS PC CONSULTING & INSTRUCTION" would have several links to things like the "Above and Beyond Bookstore" and "Mysteries of the Mind" before it even has a link to anything remotely related to computers, but hey, it's the twenty-first century. Anything goes. If you do follow that link, way at the bottom of the page, to "Computer Solutions," you'll get to the perfectly mild-mannered homepage of Clifford E. Carnicom, who offers a variety of PC and internet services. How lovely. If, however, you should happen to click on the first link, way at the top of the page, on the main site, the one marked "Aerosol Operation Crimes & Cover Up," you'll find a teeming mass of insanity just begging to be unleashed on the poor, unsuspecting public.

Everyone knows that aerosol cans are bad for the ozone layer, and that's part of why there's a big hole up there. Certainly no one would look down upon me if I were to create an informative website explaining why it is important to limit our aerosol usage and the environmental concerns therein. But merely explaining that aerosol usage is bad for the ozone is not enough for Clifford E. Carnicom. No, not nearly enough. You see, aerosol products are bad for the environment because the government wants them to be. Or something like that. I don't know. Once you start babbling about how the government and large corporation are involved in a global conspiracy revolving around my new can of Pine-Sol, you're officially too crazy for me to follow with any degree of accuracy.

For the last four years, thousands of people across the United States and the planet have continued to observe the deliberate application of toxic particles into our atmosphere in order to implement the insidious, very highly classified black budget programs which have become known as "Chemtrails."

Despite repeated requests to government and environmental agencies for investigation into these programs and complaints about the lack of environmental impact studies and informed consent of the people whose health is being adversely affected, and whose environment is being destroyed, there has been no acknowledgement, no action taken to address the concerns, and no let up in the chemtrail activity. Evidence of this activity in the way of observations and chemical samples and analysis are ignored or debunked in order to preserve the control factors.

It has become increasingly obvious that these programs are being directed by the same military/industrial greedy and power hungry groups that are jeopardizing the health and safety of all of us in so many other ways.

Yuh huh, that's great. Now get back in your box. This site has all the info you could ever possibly want on these "chemtrails." And when I say "all the info," I mean that literally. It's all here. In fact, every word on the entire goddamn page is a link to a different article. The site - which, I should mention, was created by a man who claims to specialize in web design - is split in two. The main page has a huge list of article titles, all of which are direct links. But there is also a table on the side of the page, which contains exactly the same list, but in smaller type. This is a quality use of bandwidth, that's for sure. Take a look around if you've got the time, motivation, and burning self-hatred. You're sure to find all sorts of fascinating articles on electromagnetic frequencies, chemicals, and the recent study that showed that mold grew in a petri dish where the researchers were trying to grow mold! Interesting stuff!

– Ben "Greasnin" Platt

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